Bed of nails

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$ebbuku

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I met a girl, it was good until my mind went violent
I still see her lips when I close both my eyelids
I see you in the background so I know that you’ll find this
I just wanna make you feel the same way that I did
I don’t talk about it, I know I should but whats the point
This shit kinda figures ,Tell my homies roll another joint
My father always told me "Stay away from drugs and carnage"
My life has chipped away just like some concrete nail varnish
I’ll live in a hospital and leave you with Apartments
Cashing out my past just to by designer Garments yeah
She thinks I’m cute, nah, I ain’t no prince Charming
In my mind I’m Killing shit, burning shit I’m Hurting
I’m an overachieving underachiever, Never meant to leave ya
Time just comes around and makes you wonder if you value either
I didn’t
I saw it coming from the day she died
Twelve year old screaming 'bout the news he got from age five
Ain’t nobody screaming as I walk into a prison
I built this place myself, refused the help and didn’t listen
Now I’m in my room repeating what I’ve done for so long
My family fades away, tell me, is this where I belong
Lord forgive me for I have sinned
I don’t believe in you but I’m on my last limbs, Tell me
why'd you kill her
Why you’re such a selfish bastard
Why the f*ck you hate me
Why the f*ck you want me dead
Why the f*ck you in my head
That was our last conversation
I didn’t ask again, He didn’t want communication
All I wanted was an explanation, yeah
And Ain’t no sum of money would count for compensation
Hope that when you see my smile you'll question what you can't see
And one day I can double the net worth of half my family
I don’t wish the best for you cuz I know you’re in a better place
But that won’t stop me purging every time I see your pretty face
I see a pretty blade, Take it home and start cheffing
The pain is what I feared and now it’s feeling like a blessing
The rush of crimson flows just like a stream beneath Niagara
And then days later, Just When I thought I had ya
You told me you kissed him, I beat myself for half an hour
I turned off all my lights, Sat in the corner, began to cower, I’m a coward
I should have never let it last
But mind would always say “Ha you can’t leave that in the past”
Tell me how one person has so much power over another
It eats me every day that I was abusive to my brother 
I hate myself
I hate the way I used to be
I look into the mirror and I hate the fact it’s me
Get a tattoo on my back of the scar that you left there
Dripping red clothes on the back of my desk chair
I was Fourteen years old
I didn’t even have chest hair
I think it’s fair to say 2018 wasn’t my best year
Do you love me or do you loathe me
Never cozy
In my bed of nails, Touch ya skin real closely
There’s not a next time for the past time
It's my First time falling, let’s hope it was the last time
I feel sorry for my dad
I was selfish, wanna make it back
One day I’ll have some money
Get him his dream car, defender
Or something better
A photo of the calm before the storm
The times when mum would hold me close and keep me warm
Yeah I think to myself, huh Was it really so bad
I laugh and cry about it when I choose to look back but
Nothings permanent, I think I know that
And Now i'm out searching for a home like a nomad

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