Christmas Farts

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Nathan Webb

Nathan Webb (April 9, 1705 – March 17, 1772), an early-American Congregational Church minister. more »

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Christmas farts - parsnips, cabbage
With a hint of stuffing they really are savage 
You feel the hot air, as it's shooting out your bum (Bum)
Christmas farts they can leave a room numb (Numb)  
Smells like fresh food all up in the air
Yes Christmas farts get everywhere

Christmas farts 
They really are disgusting
Christmas farts 
They're really, really bad
Christmas farts 
I'll tell you bloody something
Christmas farts 
They'll make your family sad

Every single Christmas eating too much food
We should know by now it can lead to no good
Turkey, sandwiches, Pringles and pop
Cheese and crackers, all the chutneys on top

Eating loads of cookies like they're going out of fashion
Eating After Eights, yes please I'll have the last one
Chocolate, sprouts and alcohol too
Ending in disaster when you're coming through the living room

Christmas farts 
They really are divine
Christmas farts 
Though some would say tragic
Christmas farts 
They're smelly all the time
Christmas farts 
It's a kind of Black Magic

Look, we've all smelt egg ones they're worse than those
Curry farts can be bad when they're creeping up your nose
Baked beans ones too but they're good for your heart
But when you've eaten all the veg it's a different kind of fart
Perhaps you've had a chilli? Mmm they're bad
But there's only one fart that can make your family sad

It's a
Christmas fart
They're really damn nasty
Christmas farts 
They really, really wrong
Christmas farts 
They smell like Cornish Pasty
Christmas farts  

Ewww, was that you Great Uncle John?  
Urrrrrrrgggghhh, God no! Someone crack a window pl-ease 

Christmas farts 
They leave a green fog 
Christmas farts 
All the family in one room
Christmas farts 
Don't light that scented candle
Christmas farts 
You'll make us all go... boom 

One more time 

Christmas farts 
When it's time to give the gifts out
Christmas farts 
I'm passed a tiny box
Christmas farts 
Must be the same as last year
Christmas farts 
Ah, I know, I know, it's the gift of socks
Am I right? 

Ah, wait, I know that smell 
It's a Christmas fart in a box
Ah for...  who done tha'? 
Seriously though 
Doesn't even say who it's from

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