Deep Water

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Sintian

5:21

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I wake up in the morning but its like I haven't slept
I'm constantly over exhausted, its a hard life to accept
I start my day a new in the hope that I will not sink too deep
The only reason I wake up is so I can go to sleep
This emptiness and this sadness, Man I wish I never had this
I thought life was supposed to be more filling, I swear I never planned this
What was once apart of me has now, taken the lot of me
I've been like this for so long I can't even say its not me 
My thoughts posess and control me, To the point where I don't know me
All I feel is numb, can't even summom the will to know who stole me
I have no meaning here, I'm nothing 
And I say this all too often
This thought of shame I'm lost in
I'm not even worth a coffin
All I am is a burden
They say I'm not but I'm certain
It's why I choose to shut myself away, I bring them down with hurting
I can never do this right, its the pressure of being held down
Under water with this tight chest, I can't breath but it won't let me drown
I'm sick to death of how I am, always feeling miserable
I've got the marks and scars on my arms to always make it visible
There's no coming back from this tormenting inner divide
Is it really being alive if you're always this deprived
I choose not to share myself, I see no point in confession
It makes no difference who I talk to, I will never make progression
I've reached my end with this illness and I know it will not lesson
What a curse it is to have to be imprisoned with depression 
And I say 

Ooooooooooooooo
I'm deep in water I can't keep my head up
Ooooooooooooooo
I gotta keep on moving but I'm fed up
Ooooooooooooooo
Should I move on after being hit?
Ooooooooooooooo
Or should I take it as a sign and quit? 

Ooooooooooooooo
I'm deep in water I can't keep my head up
Ooooooooooooooo
I gotta keep on moving but I'm fed up
Ooooooooooooooo
I will climb up after being hit
Ooooooooooooooo
Cause I'm a fighter bitch, I won't quit 

When I have it in control, my head blows out a variety
Sparks it up with petrol to make it's highest priority
To knock me off my high horse and told hold me in society
Back and isolate me till I feel like a minority
Have no way to make sense of it, so I am deniably
Holding myself together when actually suffering quietly
It's like it loves to play games and proven to be excitably
Addicted to the rush of its own self made anxiety
My brain erupts and expels all these endless different channels
Each one twists and turns and spirals, there's too many for me to handle
My thoughts are out of control and I feel them violently spinning
They're taking away my need to sleep and eat, I can feel myself thinning
And now I'm loosing control, like I crash a high speed porche
After not too long of dizziness it brings in the nausea
When it gets emotionally crippling I break and i'm desperate to pause the
Eruption of this silent, and dark, self inflicting torture
My heart is pumping so fast and I can feel my pulse racing
But I can't even bring myself to give up as that would still be concentrating
Destroyed by all my mistakes and the actions I regret
And now I'm torn apart from the choices that I haven't made yet 
Triggered by the unknown and the ever lasting debt 
So I figured I end up getting caught up in my self entrapping net
I never thought there was a coping mechanism until recent
I guess writing my stories is my last remaining treatment 
And I say 

Ooooooooooooooo
I'm deep in water I can't keep my head up
Ooooooooooooooo
I gotta keep on moving but I'm fed up
Ooooooooooooooo
Should I move on after being hit?
Ooooooooooooooo
Or should I take it as a sign and quit? 

Ooooooooooooooo
I'm deep in water I can't keep my head up
Ooooooooooooooo
I gotta keep on moving but I'm fed up
Ooooooooooooooo
I will climb up after being hit
Ooooooooooooooo
Cause I'm a fighter bitch, I won't quit

 The easy, fast & fun way to learn how to sing: 30DaySinger.com