Act 1 Scene 2: The Audition

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The Grand Wazoo

The Grand Wazoo is a studio album by Frank Zappa and The Mothers, released in November 1972. It was written and recorded during Zappa's period of convalescence after being assaulted in December 1971 in London, UK. more »

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Hola, commo stas
Moui Bien
This is the Central Scrutinizer
Today is the date of the audition 
And now we see several people auditioning to be a part of the album

Only a few people showed up, but they brought with them plenty of talent

Oh, God, this is who showed up
F*ck, okay, we'll try to make this quick
I'll ask each and everyone of you to do a performance for me 
And I will judge if I can use you for the project or not
Each one of you should tell me your name 
And why you think you should be on this album

I'm Sonic the Hedgehog and I can't pay my rent
Okay, very good, next

Yo, I'm papa Franku, and I tried to take a shit earlier and instead of poop
Hot boiling water came shooting out of my asshole
That's never happened before, uhhhh
I seen many things in this Omniverse and that's not one of them
I think I should go see a doctor

Thank you, Frank
Next

Hi, my name is Andy
I hope to be on this album because I was hoping to make some new friends

Perfect
Okay, Andy, would you like to go first

Who me
Yes, you. Go ahead
Okay

Thank you, Andy
Next

I fuckin rap, my G
Thanks, next!

What
I was just getting star

Next
Okay, uhh

Yo, can you like, I dunno; get the f*ck on with it already
We don't have all fuckin day

Oh, I'm just warming up my vocal chords
Cut the bullshit Sonic and just fucking do it

Look, Frank has a point; we don't have all day
We need you to audition so we can move on

Wazoo and Frank is correct
We need to move on
Please, thank you very much

B-but, Andy
Please, thank you very much
Yeah, bitch
Okay, here goes nothing
La prima, la prima, ta me ro

Alright, Sonic; you made it
You're in

Wow
I'm super stoked

What about me and Andy
Sorry guys, I can't use either of you for the album
What

It's okay, Frank, we can always audition for next year
What matters is that we are still friends at the end of the day, right?

To hell with that
I want fame, notoriety, money, and bitches
Just like Joji

He was using your name to get places
What

I've seen this first hand
This cocksucking pooper scooper Andy used my name and my talent to

Tony, we're still in Act 1, what the f*ck are you doing
What
Read the fucking script I gave you, you're screwing everything up
Don't I come in after the Oxmad Frosty the Snowman song in Act 2

We revised the script, Tony, besides; the Oxmad song was always in the first act
You come in Act 3
Like always

Oh
Well, clearly, there's been a misunderstanding

No shit

Well uhhh, my bad
Next time this happens, you better show me some fucking respect punk
I'm international singing sensation Tony Clifton
I played for big names; this is charity to me

Who's paying you're rent, Tony
Get the f*ck out of here

Mwhaaaaaa
Okay, Frank, as you were saying

Me and Andy-boy over here have a fucking bitchen Christmas parody song
We wanna sing
And in addition, we brought along with us a big-ol Minstrel band with us to help us out

Alright, Frank and Andy, show me what you got
Oh, no

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