Act 2 Scene 2: Confrontation
The Grand Wazoo
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Enough We are running out of time here We can't be bickering and shouting at each other like this I agree Dude, it's been like, 5 tracks since any of us has been featured, like, what the hell dude I agree H'okay guys, settle down, just settle down We can't Calm the f*ck down Sonic, you're scaring Andy I have general anxiety disorder, and I have to scream like this otherwise I'll start beating my dog again F*ck your dog Oh my God, I need a drink That's right, keep drinking Sonic, keep drinking your fucking soul away While you turn into merely a shadow of who you once were Not now Tony Mwhaaa Okay, so I'm betting that all of you have heard about Joe Biden's speech, right Yes Why do you think we're shouting Enough, okay, uhhh, I don't actually have a plan I thought I had a plan, it seemed really good when I first thought of it, but it's a bad idea Wasn't this supposed to be a Dick Show Christmas album Like, what the hell does me and Frank have to do with any of this Like, I don't even know who the hell Dick Masterson is, is he like a satirist or something I think he's an alt-right white supremist alleged pedophile According to these google searches Yet again, I'm probably wrong about at least one of those things Well, it doesn't matter You're all stuck here now You signed the contract, you're in the band; there's no escape from this Great, now I completely regret being on this project knowing That my reputation will probably get destroyed over this Andy's lucky because everyone thinks he's dead I mean, if we told everyone that we had Andy Kaufman with us Everyone would just laugh at us Are you all my friends I'm sorry I was very lonely ever since I left everyone My wife moved on, my dad passed away My family and friends don't like each other very much I was hoping that you all can be my friends so we can be one big happy family Oh Andy, I, uhhh It's okay, Andy, I lost my wife as well and my loved ones Don't get along with each other neither It's a painful world, Andy Andy, you warmed the hearts and souls of millions of people And have struck a special cord with odd balls artists like myself Oh, so, you want to be my friend Andy, it would be an honor to be your friend Guys, we're all one big happy family, right Frank and Sanic agree to this Andy, we love you, bud Oh, wow! I don't know what to say Sike, we're only using you for the album you fucking twimp Alright, I have an idea Let's just write a few songs for the Dick Show, get it played, and see what happens Great idea Why didn't I think of that earlier Because you have fucking Down's Syndrome Oh, I see how it is Alright, I'll hand you guys some sheet music We'll rehearse, do a few takes, and take it from there This is perfect for my minstrel band Sweet, let's get to work
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