Storm of thoughts

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J-Metric

4:34

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Pain
All I could see
Can't sleep
Thinking about the past
Sitting in this room
Thinking how long will I last
If I keep looking back
Time slippin'
Through the hourglass
I'm walking around looking tough
But my brain feels gashed
I remember
No cash
People sitting and back and laugh
They used to talk about me
Now
Look at God's gift
People watching me slip
They was dissing me worse
Then a blood to a crip
My shoulders are stiff
With a chip on the side
So I give the cold shoulder
Like a pimp in a ride
I chunk up the deuce
But my hearts dripping inside

Anxiety got me Trippin
The rooms spinning
Like a Zonda
I watch my homegirl mama
Prostitute downtown in a Honda
Meanwhile
My boy got gun down
Somebody go tell his mama
Who won now
Whos paying for the funeral
After the gun pow's
Seen people selling dope
But they doing it for fun now
Sunup to sundown
That's my cousin dead how
Let me tell you about your son now
He was tryna feed his kids
And he took his final bow
At the curtain call of life
I say goodbye tonight
To my homie mike
Hustling in all black
Tryna sell white
Got caught under the street light
5 0 came up
Guns up
Handcuffs
For what?
Did they even try
To read him his Miranda rights?

At the same time
I'm in a raggedy house on the west side
But it was better then
The homeless shelter
On the southside
I remember December
With no Christmas dinner
No crumbs under the couch
Not a stocking on the tree
To come out
I was treated like Malcolm
In the middle
Cause how come
We didn't have heat
In the winter?
I would have settled for rice Krispies
And paint thinner

In middle school
Selling pencils and CD's
Getting whistled by the principle
Profiled by the police
Ain't no hope in this hood for me
Take 40 Motrin IB
And go to sleep

I was paranoid
And slightly crazy
Like a phean taking a puff
Only the haze could fade me
Nobody wanna fight
Er'body wanna jump
Member the first day
I cop'd that gun?
Didn't tell my own sister
Nothing
Just in case someone would come up
Ruger semi-auto 9mm
Up in my swimming trunks
Take a dive in my house
To Jesus I send you up
There is no mentality
Of rationality
When you in the cut
So I joined the military
And started reading
The bible to find peace
Turns out I found me
A broken man with plans
Of vanity
I canned the old me up like a can of beans
And then rebranded
Me

So I focused on education not making excuses
Cause ain't nobody paying tuition
To my institution
Had to use my intuition
Not my retribution
Do like Nike and JUST DO IT
Cooking recipes so fluid
Now that's the truest
Mastermind plans
To never struggle
Meanwhile the ones that laughed at me
Are All starving in a huddle
We was poor
No money
No awards
No ribbons
Now I'm Gordan ramsey
Up in the kitchen
They didn't understand me
Now they listen
Not because of what I have
But what I've become
That's my image
My ambition
The streets can raise a child
But to love'm it take a village
I admit it
I Evaded
Protective service systems
They was calling every minute
Now that I grew up
I'm running it 190 a minute
My old life
Is only my beginning
my old life is not a death sentence
I'm permitted
To put this out there and send it
I just needed this off my chest
I been holding it in a for a minute
I think I needed my best
Started working for myself
And found
Pleasure in pain
Take a part of myself
And wash it away
With the rain

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