I'M 500

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Glad You're Not Dead

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Goddamn I love my fucking life!
Goddamn I wanna fucking die!

Oh shit!
Been a long time coming
So go grab your mother, brother, sister, or your cousin, I've got
A little tale to tell ya
A story 'bout a
Sea captain, struggling on the seven seas
He had no food to eat, his crew's soon to leave
He got down on his knees and he prayed to
A sea god and the god said this
She said I'll let you live forever
But you'll be my bitch
And now he's

500, yeah I'm 500
Goddamn I love my fucking life!
500, yeah I'm 500
Goddamn I wanna fucking die!

Tall, skinny, and handsome
When people see him around they're like "damn, son!"
He's like 204 some bitches knock on his door
He's like "Get out" they're like
"Sir, doth protest too much
how you walkin' 'round without no crutch
And Ezekiel said he saw you do a toe touch"
He's like, "you'll be amazed at the things I can achieve
And don't you fucking know it, one day I'm gonna be"

500, yeah I'm 500
Goddamn I love my fucking life!
500, yeah I'm 500
Goddamn I wanna fucking die!

He made it! Yup, he's here
He hasn't done that much through the years
And it, looks like he is nowhere near achieving his goals
He's in a hole
A boulder sized hole
A big boulder sized hole
Would you talk about impediments?
Wanted to be something now he's playing in the sediment
Huh
Hope he's got something to say
Mr. 500
Take it away

I'm 500 and this shit really sucks
In the 1550's I ran out of luck
This sea god cursed me
I was her bitch
I had to do sea stuff like feed her fish
100 years later, I'm finally free
Got my own place, but I wasn't happy
In 1912 I wanted to die
Then I had an Oreo and it saved my life
Now I'm in a hole
Not metaphorical
A really deep hole
A real really deep hole
Down in the ground, they could come get me
But they don't 'cause they hate the elderly!
Too much time has passed
Sailing at half mast
I feel the end is near
And I've lived my life half-assed
I'm getting up in age and my wrinkles will show it
You wanna know how old? Bitch you already know it
I'm

500, yeah I'm 500
Goddamn I love my fucking life!
500, yeah I'm 500
Goddamn I wanna fucking die!

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