Naiyah

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Jakarri

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I woke up on 12/20 to some smiles and gifts
I swear to God my first thought was, "Where is my sis?"
She's probably upstairs, now normally I wouldn't care
But that day was my birthday and she wasn't there
Something is weird, it's odd, I could feel in my bones
My momma said she probably sleeping, I just left it alone
My step pops and my brother left out for the game
My dad sang me Happy Birthday, every year it's the same
"Come help your sister out bed," Momma screaming my name
"I can't wake her up for shit, Kar I think that she's dead"
I really thought it was a joke, they trying to play with my head
I even remember laughing bout it when I walked up the stairs
They setting me up, they tripping, who they think that they kidding
Till I seen my mother sitting in that hall by the kitchen
Rocket up that second flight, I'm a man on a mission
Her door open, seen my sister in the fetal position
Now nothing was different, looked just exactly the same
But she didn't budge an inch while I'm screaming her name
I never touched a dead body till I reached for her shoulder
And the second that I touched her I already it over
Then I reached for her wrist, but her skin so cold
It burned me up inside knowing I can't feel her soul
Told my momma call the ambulance the phone's downstairs
Cell was in my pocket, she ain't need to be right there
I thought I made the right move till heard that I scream
The type to shatter your reality, wake up those dreams
Now I'll never understand why I made the call
Had my mother call a stranger and explain it all
And I know he couldn't comprehend what really was wrong
Cause every time he'd try to speak she'd scream, "My baby is gone!"
Every second like two decades, turned a boy to a man
Instinctively turned protective took that phone out her hand
"Hello sir, how you doing? Sorry this is her son
She can't hold herself together, but my sister is gone"
He told me, "Go into her room, feel a pulse in her wrist"
I went straight into her room, but I couldn't do shit
I couldn't save my baby sis back when she was alive
So how the f*ck I'm supposed to save her after she already died
I don't think I'll ever know, just know I ain't try
I ain't even see that note that she left by her side
I think I was in a daze when my phone just buzzed
My nigga B, same birthday, trying go to the club
He just came from a funeral, his Unc just died
And I couldn't say hello, I just picked up and cried
For a second, let my mind lapse, said I'd call him right back
Went and found my mother, then I sat down and I hugged her
Response team came in, directed them where to go
Quickly came back, head down, shook his head no
My momma screaming, jumping in his arms, bring her back
Please, please, please, can you her bring back
And when he calmly said no, well then her mental snapped
Always prepared for worst, she wasn't prepared that
She wasn't ready for nothing that the detective asked
And when she said she'd kill herself there was no coming back
See when you make a threat they gotta that serious
So they strapped her to a stretcher, said she was delirious
Then they took her the hospital but I couldn't go
Cause now I'm man of the house, but I don't live here anymore
It was hours of them questions till I finally grasped
The realization that I never even up called up my dad
I just sat there in silence like I'm talking to strangers
"Naiyah's dead" and he said to me, "Why ain't you save her"
Then that pride kicked in, he couldn't cry on the phone
Said he'd call me right back then he left me alone
From a boy to a man to a boy that day
Cause I just wanna hear my dad say, "It's gonna be OK"
Next call to my stepdad to break the news
I had to tell him 3 times, he was so confused
Told him go to the hospital and go get mom
He said, "OK but where's your sister," I said, "Darryl, she's gone"
And I had to tell my baby and I had to tell his mother
And I told my Uncle Kevin and he told me that he's coming
And he's crying the phone before he left from Pennsylvania
Another 5 hours would pass while I'm sitting with these strangers
So I called my homie Marcus, he called his brother Maurice
And we prayed up on that phone for God to please let her soul rest in peace
They wouldn't let my mom come home until they got my sister
And they wouldn't let me see her even though how much I missed her
I spent all day home till they carried her out
Then seen my family come home, didn't feel our like house
And my brother tries to hide it but he's hurting for real
Cause he's built how I'm built, he don't share what he feel
So grabbed him and Steph and I hollered at B
Told him that I had to go, meet him at Pusha T's
Jenna Hide didn't know me yet me showed me that love
Told me, "Dreams mean she's in Heaven," then she gave me a hug
Probably leaving out some names, V-Man gave me that dap
Said he's sorry for what happened, he ain't know me like that
But I still felt the love that I saw in his eyes
I seen the big homie Dwight, man what a surprise
You know Quis held me down, that's my nigga for life
I know I don't see y'all enough, I'm gonna make that right
And f*ck every single person who was wrong that night
"Like how the f*ck he at club?" You don't live my life
I just sat up in momma's house nine hours that day
Explaining my sister's life story while her body decay
Now you wanna judge me cause I spent two hours away
But did it matter going home, that I cried the whole way
Sister I miss you, I love you, so does our little brother
You don't have be my angel, be an angel for mother
When you get a little time go and check on your Dads
Cause their pride's like my pride, they won't show that they sad
I don't know how to end this but I won't say goodbye
I'll just wait for your hugs when I walk to that sky
I love you

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