Traumatized

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Yukon DeRosa

4:23

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Nothing gets better
At all, I'm in my mind
And I know my brain loves it
When I'm dying all the time
And it's something that I have
Now all memorized
Every single way
I could take myself out, I

I hate the fucking city
And I hate the way it sounds
Hate to see the hounds smile
Through the lipstick on their mouths
Because every single night
They transform below the moon
Monsters dressed in drag
My paranoia anews

Oh my god, why'd you do it
Who's the real you inside
Where is my body
Did you bury it
When I died
When I was young
I used to dream of you and I
But you're just a coyote
And you mauled me all the time

Why do they love you
When you know what you've done
You stalk me with the queens
The clubs your pantheon
When I was young
It was so lovely and sweet
How much I trusted you
Before you raped me in my sleep

Do not worship false idols
You should worship me
Do not worship false idols
I wish they'd listen to me
Because, I'm still dead
And the scars are up my thighs
And I bleed out in the bathtub
And I'm all rotten inside

Do not worship false idols
You should worship me
Do not worship false idols
I wish they'd hear me
Because, I'm drowning in the Thames
And they cannot hear or see
The person I've become
I'm lost again

Sidewalk-chalk body
Like the children draw
He killed my former self
And hid my bones inside the wall
And I taste the memories
Of all those summer ago
'Wish I could forget
The way it felt so I go

And I cut up all my skin
And I rip out both my eyes
But then I wake up
And I do this all the time
I vow to take my life
Again, and again
But I'm struck by paranoia
Once I get out a pen

Every moment, every day
It replays in my mind
Every second, every voice
In my head screams all of your lies
You make me wanna shoot myself
In-between the eyes
And I hate god for what he's done
Put me here to die

Do not worship false idols
You should worship me
Do not worship false idols
I wish they'd listen to me
Because, I'm still dead
And the scars are up my thighs
And I bleed out in the bathtub
And I'm all rotten inside

Do not worship false idols
You should worship me
Do not worship false idols
I wish they'd hear me
Because, I'm drowning in the Thames
And they cannot hear or see
The person I've become
I'm lost again

The black dog that follows me
Is inching in now
If nothing ever changes
I might just plunge down
Into the floodlights
Below the black water
And when my skin sloughs off
I'll become lobster fodder

But my voice is still here
And he calls out to me
He haunts me, he haunts me
He's always followed me
And everytime I close my eyes
Lay my head back to sleep
All I ever see
Are his eyes staring right back, to me

Do not worship false idols
You should worship me
Do not worship false idols
I wish they'd listen to me
Because, I'm still dead
And the scars are up my thighs
And I bleed out in the bathtub
And I'm all rotten inside

Do not worship false idols
You should worship me
Do not worship false idols
I wish they'd hear me
Because, I'm drowning in the Thames
And they cannot hear or see
The person I've become
I'm lost again

All my scars aligned
On the streets of the city
I watch the red eyes
To the beds of the many

All my scars aligned
In the lightning above
I watch all the black dogs
Take the place that I love

And I have a black list
Of the London queens
Who sympathize with him
They're watching me

All my scars aligned
In the lightning above
I watch all the black dogs
Take the place that I love

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