Murder Ballad No. 10

James Booth & The ReturnJames Booth & T… 

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James Booth & The Return

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Harold Hoppus sat in his velvet reclining chair
Sipping a glass of scotch and reading
The previous evening's edition of the post
It was Sunday
The sunlight in his living room was disappearing
And he wanted to enjoy the few hours of leisure
He had left before he had
To go to work again in the morning
He got as far as the end of the sports section before his wife
Karen, asked him to tuck their 6 year-old daughter Jenny in
He dutifully obliged; he took her up
Made sure she brushed her teeth
Combed her hair and trimmed her nails
He helped her into her Disney-themed pajamas
And reminded her to say her prayers
They knelt down together, recited Psalm 23
And started asking the Lord above to
Bless the beloved people in their lives
It was at that moment that Jenny said, in a quiet monotone
"God bless mommy, God bless daddy
God bless grandma, and Goodbye Grandpa"
He looked at her, puzzled, and asked her
If she had meant to say, "God BLESS Grandpa"
"Isn't that what I said?" Worries about a possible
Mental disorder flashed through Harold's mind
But he decided he was too tired to think about it at this hour
He kissed Jenny goodnight, turned out the lights
And closed the door, readying himself for the day to come
13 hours later, the business meeting Harold had been
Carefully preparing for— a meeting that, for all intents
And purposes, was essential to the future of his company
Was rudely interrupted by his secretary, Josephine
Gracelessly barging into the room to inform him
Of his wife, on the telephone with an urgent matter
That couldn't wait
Clumsily exiting the meeting, he got to his office and
Picked up the phone, informed by a screaming and hysterical
Karen that her father Ben had died suddenly of an aneurysm
Harold's heart sank; he had always liked Ben
And was always thankful for the wedding dowery with
Which he had purchased their home
But the sadness was soon driven out by a feeling akin
To that of Deja Vú: It was something
Jenny said the previous night: "Goodbye Grandpa"
What did that mean? He brushed it off
It was just a coincidence. He grabbed his coat
Walked out of his office, gave a vague
Unsatisfying hand gesture to his co-workers
In the conference room, and rushed home
A couple of days later, the house was full of various dishes
Flowers, fruit baskets, and gifts
The Hoppus' next door neighbor, Pete Freitag
Had bought Jenny a giant teddy-bear named
"Ben" to help combat her grief
Harold appreciated the gesture
But it did not help to quell the long-lasting dislike
He held for his neighbor.
Even so, it had managed to stop poor Jenny from crying
Even if only for an hour or two.
As the sun went down, and Harold had ignored
15 different business calls in order to focus
On his wife and child, Karen had decided it was time
For her daughter to head to bed
Harold carried her up, and to his surprise
Exhausted though she was, Jenny said
She wanted to say a prayer for Grandpa
As they had done on previous nights
They knelt, recited Psalm 23
Before Jenny said, in that same quiet monotone
"God bless mommy, God bless daddy
God bless grandpa, and Goodbye Grandma"
It was at this moment that Harold
Had grabbed his daughter's arm
And demanded to know why
She had just said what she said
In response, Jenny started to tear up again
Insisting that she didn't know what he was talking about
And that he was hurting her arm.
He profusely apologized, kissed her on the forehead
And placed the teddy bear next to her for company
Harold and Karen awoke the next morning
To the news that Karen's mother had, in her grief
Suffered a stroke and died in the night
Karen, already numb from the loss of her father
Decided to stay in bed most of the week
And Harold, ever the loving husband
Dared not leave the house for fear of
Any other tragedy occurring
As he answered the door, accepting even more food
Flowers, fruit baskets and gifts,
The prayers of his daughter from the evenings previous
Echoed through his head
"Goodbye Grandpa" and "Goodbye Grandma"
Surely, this was more than horrible coincidence
Was it, perhaps, a Godlike ability
To predict at leisure the death of loved ones
Or was she channeling something from
Beyond the shuffles of this mortal coil
This and more he pondered, sitting in his velvet chair
Watching his daughter hug the oversized teddy bear
Courtesy of Peter Freitag
That evening, as he brought his daughter up to her bedroom
He heard, once again, her insistence
On saying her nightly prayers
Panicked at the idea of her
Possibly continuing her chain of death warrants
He told her that it was okay; that God knew what she felt inside
And that she should go right to sleep
So she would feel better in the morning
She nodded silently, and fell asleep almost instantly
As he left the room
At 1:32 A.M., Harold awoke with the overwhelming need
To visit the bathroom. He walked stiffly down the hall
And as he answered the call of nature
He tried to think of what he would say to his boss to explain
The abandonment of his office for the past week or so.
He washed his hands, ran his fingers through his hair
And turned out the lights— when he heard from Jenny's room
"God Bless Grandma, God Bless Grandpa
God bless Mommy, and Goodbye Daddy"
Harold's eyes opened wide, and a cold sweat broke on his brow
He opened the door to Jenny's room, but found her sound asleep
As if she had not moved since he had left her.
Without thinking about it, he flew back into his bedroom
Changed into his work clothes, went out the door
Into his car, and drove the speed limit to his office
From that point on, Harold planted himself to his chair
Turning on the fan, closing his blinds
And opening the door only briefly to instruct his secretary
To hold all calls for the rest of the day
In hindsight, he realized the safe thing to do
Would have been to stay in his house
But his heart was thumping and his thoughts
Were sicklied o'er with a pale cast of panic
Staring at the clock, his hands started twitching without control
This could be it; this could be the end
Oh God, what then? Hell? Heaven
There was so much he wanted to do, so much he needed to do
Watch Jenny grow up, refinish the Kitchen
Take Karen on that trip to England
They had talked about so much… Was this it
Was this the curtain falling on this brief stage of life
As the seconds ticked away, he knew that if this was it
If this was his final 24 hours on earth
There was only one thing he wanted
More than anything in the world
The only thing that would make him feel better
About the phone that kept ringing off the hook
And the incessant knocking on his office door
With a sudden sense of ease
Harold Hoppus reached into the lower right drawer
Of his office desk, and pulled out a pack of
Red Apple Cigarettes
He had quit when Jenny was born
As a favor to his wife
But lord help him he missed it
The ritual
The stimulation
The feeling of fire that rushed through his lungs
He pulled out a lighter from the right hand drawer
Lit the cigarette in his mouth, and inhaled
Hallelujah, Salvation, Harold thought to himself
If this how he was going to go out
He was taking Old Man Tobacco with him
Night fell on the office, and Harold was once again all alone
Staring at the clock through a now smoke filled room
As 1:32 AM inched closer and closer
He waited for something to happen to him
A heart attack, a stroke, a meteorite, anything
He no longer felt afraid
An overwhelming sense of peace prevailed over him
Or perhaps it was just the nicotine
In any case, he closed his eyes
Waiting for oblivion to happen upon him.
When he opened his eyes five minutes later
And found that nothing had happened to him
He was confused, but relieved
He looked up and mouthed a small "thank you"
To the ceiling, grateful that he had been spared
The same fate of his in-laws
He put on his coat, and opened the door to his office
Noticing, in his mailbox, a letter from his boss
He opened it, and found a letter of termination
Citing his recent erratic behavior
That struck fear and anxiety into his coworkers
Normally,

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