Double-Edged Sword

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Jul-Z

3:41

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What do you really just want me to say
I'm still alive but my souls in the grave
I'm really only just in this for fame
And I'm wanting the dollars to fill up my pockets instead of this change

What is the reason to all of my days
What is the reason to all of my ways
Today's a new day but I'm making excuses
So what is the reason today

Stretching these lies and I'm hiding in fakery
Been 18 years and I haven't found bravery
Hurting myself myself because it is so savory
Serving the devil i feel like I'm catering

What do you think you could say to me
I've tried the pills and I've tried all the people
I've tried all the talks and I've tried all the needles
But none of these things have potential of saving me

Music can help but sometimes it just hurts
Feeling real blessed but then feeling real cursed
I just keep doing like all of these verbs
Described in my songs with all of my wrongs
Repeating the words

How can I move when I'm stuck on this turf
Music don't curve
Music is just like a double edged sword
Cause Music can heal but the music can hurt

Everyday I'm just feeling this pain
Everyday I'm just feeling the same
Everyday I'm just hoping for change
Just waiting for all of this to go away
So everyday I'm just digging my grave

Lost all my sense and I'm feeling no ways
Always in pain and I'm craving the taste
Tryna be happy but that just seems fake
(Yea)

Always got something to say
(Yea)
Always got something to hate
(Yea)
Always got something to add or to mention
Until i can clearly feel all of this pain
(Yea)

Can't run away
(Yea)
Don't got a say
(Yea)
I'm coughing and choking
These blurry emotions
Abusing my body like everyday

I dont got time to just sit here and play
I dont know why you think that I'm ok
I dont why you think that i got time to just sit here and wait
For a girl to come up and show love and step up to the plate

Everyone's hoping for something to wow
(Wow)
I'm just that person that's gon get you down
(Down)
Don't get it confused
It's called self abuse
The cycle that keeps going round
(Round)

F*ck it i guess you can bow
(Down)
Whenever you're needing a frown
(Wow)
Whenever you're stuck on the ground
(Ow)
Whenever you think it's depressing o'clock
And you're stuck in your car
In a closed parking lot
And then people start looking from far
So you just keep on turning it down
(Down)

I can't see faith cause I'm looking away
I just hope that I can make it one day
I just wish people would stop all the talking
And keep on just walking
And quit all the asking if i am ok

Why do you think that i say what i say
Thinking I'm here and I'm here to just stay
But try to just speculate
Even just yesterday i couldn't promise today

Now I'm just stuck and I'm looking for answers
Rhetorical I'm just a fucking disaster
Complaining bout always just being depressed
And I'm acting like I am the nail to the hammer

They call me the catcher
The question that i have been trying to answer
I've Always been sad because my life is bad
And Now try to compare that to battling cancer

All I do now is complain about stress
My struggles are fake and it's all in my head
And call it whatever you want
I say it's a hoax
But i guess you could say I'm depressed

All of this pain
And most about her
The music ain't healing the music just hurts
It did not change me the music just hates me
This music just ain't living up to it's worth

F*ck it like Imma just die on this earth
How can i live if I'm living for her
Thinking I'm good and then feeling this pain
And then feeling this way and this music just hurts

F*ck it I feel like I'm living so cursed
Stuck in the ground I'm so deep in the dirt
All of this writing it just ain't exciting
And every new song i release I feel worse

Now i just lie and i never know why
Always just faking it
Never been making it
Looking for ways to put on a disguise

Always think that i can make it all right
Hating the mic
It's another new fight
It's another new day where i try to survive
It's another new way so that i can get by
It's another new game and I'm playin to die

(Yea)
I'm playing to die
Playing to die and I'm wondering why
Wondering why
Why do i try
Why do i make up excuses and lie
Why do i lie
Why can i never just make up my mind
Why do i fight
Nobody listens and nobody gets it
But still
I always continue to write
Yea

 Watch: New Singing Lesson Videos Can Make Anyone A Great Singer