Hard To Love And Be Loved

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diceanddenim

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It's hard to love and be loved
When your past consists of
Abuse by the few
That ever cared about you
Touch and words
Do ease the hurt
But still can't
Love or be loved

It might sound like a tragedy
Been romance free since 83
Grew in the midst of hostility
With a combination with poverty
Wrath of a stepdad towards me
Was the perfect loveless recipe
He said if I were gay he'd kill me
So I suppressed everything in me
I even went into ministry
Now I'm here and I'm queer
And I still can't find the love here
I could not feel the love around me
Combed through my soul internally
Searched for what felt like an eternity
Looked for adoration in my foundation
I tried to settle down
But left my partners with naught
In all my efforts to  make it work
I became a puppeteer pulling my own strings
To make the motions and notions of love appear
Seeking solace in one night affairs I became distraught
The ability to love another cannot be taught
I was fated to a fraternity of those who are like me
The ones who don't know what
It's like to love selflessly
And as you can see
It's clear for me
I cant have eternity
So I decided love was not for me
It was not for me

It's hard to love and be loved
When your past consists of
Abuse by the few
That ever cared about you
Touch and words
Do ease the hurt
But still can't
Love or be loved

Momma left a big hole in my heart
I was eight when my dad and her had to part
Disappeared a whole month, it was hard
Eating microwave meals only, just the start
Joint custody, now she's got a new friend
She told me call him uncle, didn't know then

He was her, side piece boyfriend
He left his family, for her, then
Years passed like that until the chance came
To move out of state I'm still kind of ashamed
What I did to leave to give dad custody
Audio recordings of her hostility
Tried to make her boyfriend swing at me
Sabotaged her house then finally
I left and didn't talk to her for six years
Now she's got my baby sister
One of my fears
Is never seeing them again

It's hard to love and be loved
When your past consists of
Abuse by the few
That ever cared about you
Touch and words
Do ease the hurt
But still can't
Love or be loved

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