In Love With an Uber Driver

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DJ Cul de Sac

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It was going to be one of those days
Where nothing was gonna go my way
One more failed Tinder date
With another girl that just wants to be mates
Oh loneliness I accept that you're my fate
So I'm gonna order up a great big plate of crepes
I go and place my order through the app
Their two for one offers were another slap
And It really wasn't all that long
Before I heard my doorbell go ding dong
And stood right there on my doorstep
Was an angel holding an oversized bag of crepe's

I'm in love with an Uber driver
My meal came to eight pounds but I tipped her a fiver
I'm in a real catch twenty-two
Ordering so much food that it hurts to chew
I won't see my girl if I don't make an order
But if she sees my history she'll think eating disorder
But I can't take away the way I feel
So excuse me whilst I order another meal

I knew straight away, she was the one
I checked my app her name was Volkswagen Tiguan
What an exotic beauty, wait that's her car model
It transpires her name was in fact Carol
Oh Carol I simply must see you again
And that's when my ordering frenzy began
Subsequent meals were delivered by Jeff, John and Jermain
All smashing chaps, but it wasn't the same
Christmas went by without a Carol
And my gut situations oh so fragile
Those meat sweats sure do make you shiver
But I still had faith fate would deliver

I'm in love with an Uber driver
My meal came to eight pounds but I tipped her a fiver
I'm in a real catch twenty-two
Ordering so much food that it hurts to chew
I won't see my girl if I don't make an order
But if she sees my history she'll think eating disorder
But I can't take away the way I feel
So excuse me whilst I order another meal

I'd given up on Carol, I'd always be lonely
I could barely place my order for cannelloni
My door once more went ding dong
Sorry for the repetition in my song
Wearing a frown and dressing gown, I answered the door
And there was Carol as angelic as before
I asked Carol if she believed in love at first sight
She said do you mean the cannelloni, yes it's alright
I said no, not the cheesy cylindrical tubes
Carol what I meant is I'm in love with you
I order two meals daily in hope that I'd see you again
I had to re-mortgage my flat, I've got severe chest pain
I guess like my meal it was a lot to digest
There was a frank exchange, she used the term sex pest
I begged at least let me tip, she said I've got a tip for you
If you order again, I'll get the police on you

I'm in love with an Uber driver
My meal came to eight pounds, but I tipped her a fiver
I'm in a real catch twenty-two
If I order again, legal action will be pursued
I won't see my girl if I don't make an order
But there is that looming threat of a court order
But I can't take away the way I feel
So excuse me your honour, do you want in on this meal
They really do have some great two for one offers
I recommend the Baba Ghanoush

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