The Apprentice

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Shawn Clark

Shawn Clark (born August 16, 1975) is an American football coach who is the head football coach at Appalachian State University. He had been an assistant with the program since 2016, and was promoted to head coach following the departure of Eliah Drinkwitz. Clark has cited the "culture, traditions, and family" of Appalachian State football being its greatest characteristics, and it is hoped that Clark will bring back some Jerry Moore-esque stability to a program that had lost Scott Satterfield to Louisville and Drinkwitz to Missouri in consecutive years, 2018 and 2019, as those coaches used successful tenures at Appalachian as stepping stones into middling "power conference" programs. In a nod to the Boone legend, Clark said at his introductory press conferen… more »

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Creeping in the dark, I rarely miss my mark
A stranger in the shade, a danger turn away
Creeping in the dark, I rarely miss my mark
A stranger in the shade, a danger turn away

I see you leaving ur office
Get in your car
Your house a block away
Will you make it, make it home
Oh darling no, no not today
You stop for gas oh baby, bad choice
But I love bad choices
A dart to your neck and you sleep
And wake next to the goat and the sheep
My pot bubble hot on the stove
It's ready, are you

Alright, my apprentice
Make sure you follow every step perfectly
And do exactly as I say, here we go

First the rats alive
Toss them in let them sizzle
One big toe de-attached, of course
Then listen for a whistle
That's the cue
And now we add the nails to stew
And once it's done you need a squirrel or two to brew
That't it, you're getting it
Now the bugs
Six worms eight locust three crickets you know
We will need two centipedes or one millipede
I prefer the millipedes because they have more legs
And once they're gathered
Work them nicely to a lather then
Just add them in

Ah yes very good
The first steps are complete
But for these next few steps
We must move along just a little bit faster
So pay very close attention
And don't miss not even a single thing
Every step is important for our concoction to function properly
Okay are you ready

Two lizards
One beard hair from two wizards
Make sure one is male and one female
Half a dragon tail
A chip from a snail shell
Not the snail just the shell
Six rhino horns
One calf first born
One calf from a leg
A little half-and-half with an egg
Just gives it the perfect consistency
One dog
Two cats
Two hogs
Three bats
Two trout
Four bass
One ass from an ass
I know
A patch of dead grass
A rabbit in dead last
A teardrop from a fairy
A dwarf extra hairy
A tooth from a troll
With a bad child's coal
Stick with me doctor
We are almost there
Next we need two socks
Two pebbles
Two rocks
Two-yes any rock will do
A dose a small pox
A dose of chicken pox
A chicken with spots
A lick of tiger blood
A dash of dirt mud
A pinch of pollen
A king's calling
A prophet's prohec-y
A page from the Odyssey
A lightning strike
Trust me you can get it
If the timing's right
A zombie brain
Rotten teeth
A lion's mane
The pirate's keep
The Kraken's tongue
A singer's lung
A goblin nose
A heart that froze
An elf's ear
Your deepest fear
A prince charm
A bee swarm
A mummy flesh
A crow's nest
Mix it as the poem says
A lick of lint
A bite of bread
A flick of flint
A draw of dread
A swish of swamp swindled from beneath the biggest ogre's bed
A touch of toad
A mass of mold
A caughten cold
A grasp of gold
A slew of slime
A song of mime
A sour lime
A power line

Poison ivy
Add it lightly
Liquid acid
Tighty whities
Booger flicks and nervous ticks
And birdie chicks and dirty sticks
And surely don't forget to add saliva with the wordy lips
And oh you do remind me 'bout the shiny red-lip heiny kiss
And I need 6 of finely chipped uranium and diamond bits
A wrinkle from a cranium
A pillar from a stadium
A cloth to put a baby in
A rodent with the rabies in the pot
Doctor

Yes, it is complete
Now all that's left is to feed it to our subject
Apprentice, if you will
Yes, yes, there you go
Swallow it whole
Let it disperse through your body
Yes, and now we wait for it to take effect
Oh yes, I can see it working
I can see it transforming our subject
Oh yes, here we go, here we go
Its working
Its working
Its working
Oh yes, yes, yes
Its, its a dud
Impossible, let me double check your work
Yes we have the fox
Yes the rat
Ah yes yes the bugs, uh huh a troll
Tiger blood yes
Yes a prince charm mhmm
A draw of dread
Apprentice, I said nervous...ticks
Not nervous ticks
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