Find It (feat. Vonara)

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MK Ultra

Project MKUltra (or MK-Ultra) was an illegal human experimentation program designed and undertaken by the U.S. Central Intelligence Agency (CIA) and intended to develop procedures and identify drugs that could be used during interrogations to weaken people and force confessions through brainwashing and psychological torture. It began in 1953 and was halted in 1973. MKUltra used numerous methods to manipulate its subjects' mental states and brain functions, such as the covert administration of high doses of psychoactive drugs (especially LSD) and other chemicals without the subjects' consent, electroshocks, hypnosis, sensory deprivation, isolation, verbal and sexual abuse, and other forms of torture.MKUltra was preceded by Project ARTICHOKE. It was organized t… more »

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I cant sleep heads pounding, all I'm doing is counting
Till the day that I say that I can't find my way I can't swim I'm drowning
I'm grasping at the bottles of the liquor I've be downing
But it just magnifies all of the pain and stress compounding
Well let's get shit right, right here, right now
This ain't atmosphere, just expressions of the voice in my ear
And I've been tryna sell my soul to them so I can see clear
But the clarity just brings me what I've always come to fear
I ain't afraid of the dark, I just fear the darkness in me
I ain't been scared of death, but I scare my friends to death with my plea
One thing I fear is that some happiness will creep up on me
Just to sneak around and slide the rug from under my feet
I'm just trying not hurt nobody else in my fall
I might just pack a bag and run away, completely awol, but I know
I cannot leave my heart is chained to a wall
The same wall I put up when I need to escape from it all, so I'm

Tripping balls into these walls to feel the world around me
Picking up your calls cause they the only thing that ground me
I don't recognize myself, my actions they astound me
Feeling like I'm lost from all the people that had found me
I just need to find my place, find my space, just get out of here
Might take a trip to space, get so high that I ain't seeing clear
Pour myself a drink, take a smoke, and another toke
Fade it all away until my issues feel like a joke
Wanna hear a joke that been knock knocking on my brain
I can't verbalize my feelings without thinking they're insane
Can't communicate my pain, so I make myself a plan
That I'm gonna fix myself, I'm gonna be a better man
I gotta shed my insecurities from the time that I began
Thinking that my foresight's limited by my attention span
If you don't believe in me, don't call yourself my friend or fan
Don't stand by me if you don't think I can be a better man
Because I know...

I, I can change
See my failures written with my name
Losing every game
But I'm the one to blame
I can change
Looking at the person I've became
The people I have maimed
So I can't stay the same

I can see a better day, I know it can be ok
I can fight my inhibitions till they really stay away
I can see a better day, I know it can be ok
Gotta stop after my entrée I don't need the whole buffet
Cause I can see a better day, I know it can be ok
I can fight my inhibitions till they really stay away
I can see a better day, I know it can be ok
I can see a better day, ya I know it can be ok

Cause through my stress, I compress, all my thoughts into a mess
I confess, I got issues that I just wanna repress but
It's a test, not a trial I got people to impress
While they looking up at me I'm looking down at them depressed, but I digress
Does any motherfucker really wanna f*ck with me, I guess
Cause people always pulling on my mental, playing with my heart like a game of chess
I try not to be temperamental, clear my thoughts, let my mind be gentle
Then I focus on what's fundamental, cut away all of the inessential

Look at my life, get sentimental
Look at my self, get existential
Look at my bars and my instrumental
One more time for the instrumental
Cause my music has been instrumental
Tapping into my found potential
Potentiating all the people that pray for the profit and power to find their mental,

So go on and find it
Cut all the slack to make way for the good redesign it
F*ck all the past cause you can't control how they define it
Look at the present cause you won't find nothing behind it
Look hard enough for some peace and maybe you'll find it

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