Conflicted

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Marvin Ross

Marvin Ross (born 5 May 1990) is an American professional indoor football defensive back who is currently a free agent. Before joining the Sharks in 2017, Ross played for the Columbus Lions from 2013 to 2015 and the Cleveland Gladiators in 2016. While with the Gladiators, he won the 2016 Arena Football League Rookie of the Year Award. Outside of indoor football, Ross played with the Calgary Stampeders for two games in 2017. more »

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This is Conflicted
Each instrumental, my session... Just another confession
Wish I could stop stressing
All the voices in my head keep me guessing
I'm clearing my chest. Conflicted
Being vegan, but still loving the smell of death
Going out to eat.. Buying everything you consider poison for your family
Did the same thing to Grams
I'll never forgive myself for knowing who I really am
I lie every time I say I'm doing the best I can
Always making sure I have the upper hand
Listening to tracks to understand my dots
I'm too materialistic
F*ck all the happiness I bought
I miss leading... Like my thoughts
Brain's a powerful weapon
How much longer would they listen if I keep giving them depression
Don't play me in the car. I'm 'bout to kill the vibe
Make you sit back and deal with those feelings you've been holding deep inside
Play me on repeat while doing long drives
Pain and depression... They coincide
Conflicted like making a track about how you feel inside for your ex
But not releasing cause it will bring the one you love more stress
Like the one you love... Her family go's out and kills the things you love
Trophy's that hurt me constantly
Taking shots, but no father to my aid you see
Never smile in pics but that's just me. Please let me be
Ain't tryna fake a smile for your feed
Y'all will not eat off of me
They try to make you laugh. I can't blame 'em
Used to do the same thing to kids in class but, never the clown
Every word thought out
Said a hundred times then broken down
Y'all tired of hearing about the OCD
But having to touch on the same spot's a part of it
So please let me be
Conflicted like having cop friends look at me differently
I called them pigs so I understand the pain they give
But they don't understand mine
So many lives lost before their time
I hate bringing it up, but it's always on my mind
My race portrayed as evil in headlines takes a tole over time
Like moments, the real ones slip by
Conflicted like watching your girls face when you spit a bar about race
Seriously, I don't eat. Hand shaking on every beat
I can spot a fake a mile away. Stay away from me
Never really wore pads so how could I expect longevity
When I make it, so do you, you, and you
Cause y'all did way more than help me
Constantly thinking about the problems that set us apart
It's really hard revealing your heart
Before you hate, pick up a pen and start
And realize your pain's off the charts
I speak about mine. They rap about causing it
We ain't the same
They get a bag. They buy a whip and a chain
That's not word play. Doesn't it sound strange
Conflicted like hating logos, but not wanting to dress plain
I see it from every angle
Growing up... Watching magic
Chris was no angel
The horns take the spot of the halo
Every time I saw his temper, had to lay low
Learned magic to distract myself from what was happening under the table
Learned parkour to keep myself stable
Photography to edit out all the things I didn't like in me
Including every thing they don't see
Tryna become everything they didn't want me to be
I'm not stopping 'til I'm in a high rise with no high eyes
Grinding.. Don't got time for negativity
I will not compromise
People with no passport will tell you where to fly
Hypochondriac constantly feeling like I'ma die
Tears always on my face but you'll never see me cry
I don't care who you are
Heads down for the innocents behind bars
Prison is the vat they fell in... Now they're all felons
Locked down... But they're constantly letting hell in
Never judge a man simply because of his melanin
Numbers stay rising. It's troubling
They wonder why I stay in my cave
Looking at me like I'm strange
Not a doctor. Not a politician. Don't need a prompter
You can't be on my team
You weren't on the original roster
You an imposter. Get lost sir
You can't jump on my ship
The oceans full of sharks just like you
They'll try and tanka like a haiku
Never met you before
But you're wearing a different color so they'll fight you
Not realizing it's the same thing they do to us
A simple color.. the reason for all the fuss
Rosa stood up on the bus you can take your gun and bust
That's the difference between us
Conflicted like making sure your kids never say it, but you constantly cuss
Conflicted like giving us paper straws while polluting everything around us
Conflicted like telling your kids to follow their dreams while yours sit and rust
Conflicted like they hating everything about you and you knowing most of them are true
Conflicted like hating racism, but your brother you're killing
Then rapping about it and making millions

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