My Self

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When I say you can't sin for another man
You gotta understand that it's part of the plan
Damn
That's how it is, that's how it's gonna be
I know you wanna be in control of me, suffering
Utterly disgusting
When I say you can't sin for another man
You gotta understand that it's part of the plan
Damn
That's how it is, that's how it's gonna be
I know you wanna be in control of me, suffering
Utterly disgusting

I'm in control of essentially nothing
Consequently I'm suffering
I been up at night wondering
The thunder outside is very fitting for the night
Set the scene just right, grab my pen and I write
About the fear that I been facing, I been facing the facts
But the mirror seem to think that my ego in tact
Here we go with that, go from zero to max, I'm mad
I can't be the hero, no, I would rather be bad
Cuz the good guy dies and that's just facts
Good guy cries out then the pressure is back
I can't keep track of the original issue
All I know is when it's over, I will not miss you
Prolly diss you til I'm over the pain
Cuz you drove me insane with the chains that you placed on my human brain
Can't keep playin like you were to blame, you were the same, it's a shame
But you won't stop playin the game
So whenever you claim that you're just stuck
Just know I ain't buying it, no, I don't give a f*ck
You must be lying to yourself, no help
So you delve in the same kind of life that put you in hell
Oh well
We live and we learn
Or for some they live with a rage that burns for eternity
No hope left internally
Inadvertently lashing out, hurting me
Hoping that projections might make you feel better about who you are
You're an avatar customized by those put in charge
Ego large
Better stay on guard
If not
If not, you're sorely mistaken
No more faking, I'm no longer playing
I will be speaking the truth like I got something to prove 
And if you disapprove then I can't hear what you're saying

When I say you can't sin for another man
You gotta understand that it's part of the plan

Internalize my own feelings, it's how I'm dealing with it
Verbalize my own willingness to stop peeling the scab
From the scar that I got when I let you inside and you gutted me alive
Why why why
Why didn't you try to get by without destroying my life
No wonder we never did like
No wonder we never could ever be right
Left field, I'm outta sight
I'm picking daisies cuz I'm lazy, but what's crazy is I feel dead but my garden's alive
I don't know why I feel like a lie
I tell the truth most of the time
I only lie with double speak as not to freak out all the sheep that peak into my life to creep and keep me on the narrow street
I'm defeated in repeat, I call to Jesus, seems to be somewhere asleep
Deep deep deep inside me
I'm battling the blank sheet of my psyche
I might be out of my head space
Feel like a dead weight
Waiting for the day that I can relate
Equate me to the fakes and I can't help losing my place in line
I lose faith, hate, hate combined
With the weight of the jaded mind
Rewind, I was fine
I'm coming to you live from my own self deprecation
I'm vindicated, I instigate it, it's innovative, this meditation's premeditated
Shall I demonstrate it

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