Just Like Nan

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Marc Lemon

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She's had a couple of beers you'd better close your ears
She'll say 'I don't believe it' when a largey walks in
She'll say 'You know what my father would have said, that's a bag tied up ugly'
She'll say 'look at the size of those thundering thighs
Those are walnut crushers if ever I've seen the like
She should get on her bike and melt some blubber away'

She's just like nan on Catherine Tate
I can't take her anywhere
Large people beware she'll declare you a disgraceful individual

On the very next table sits the lord mayors wife weighing in at twenty seven stones
Mother yes there are hungry people on the planet I know
She says the barmaids slacker than the ace of spades
As she lights another amidst her incredulous tirade
And then a handsome man catches her eye

She's just like nan on Catherine Tate
I can't take her anywhere
She says what she thinks at the top of her voice

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