2am Christmas Eve

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Fralphie Jenkins

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2 am Christmas eve
The night's winding down

New year, clean slate
Coming around

Did my best to be good
Hope I made the cut

There's one thing I could use
If it's not too much

Come around
Come around
Come around tonight

We got a tree like the 60's all wrapped in pink
Timmy in the bathroom pissing in the sink

I'm on the front porch smoking with the boys
The officer suggested that we watch the noise

Lucy's in the kitchen acting out some skit
She everybody's favorite but I heard she talks shit

Come build a snowman got, room in the yard
Rob on the table he's guessing my card

When they all get tired they'll sleep on the couch
Threw up in a trashcan like Oscar the Grouch

Lenny writing on a letter to old Santa Claus
Come check out the best scene got the movie on pause

Clark and his family climbed up so high
Crashed his toboggan in real life he'd die

Let's all gather round the tree so bright
For our good friend Mickey we'll pour one out tonight

Wrapped up in a big scarf don't wanna get the chills
Jake brought cocaine, and Chris brought the pills

The old Grinch left nothing, not even a crumb
And this carton of eggnog, I'll put some in my rum

It's that time of year
We all reunite
Come back inside now
Think I got the frostbite

Roaring fire
Good friends, what a scene
We'll party as hard as
The late Charlie Sheen

Pass it around
From left to your right
Spinning the bottle
Let's get some tonight

Sit down by the fire
In the glow of the tree
You guys see the time now
It's a quarter past 3

Didn't have the money
To do secret Santa
But I poured some tequila
In a punch bowl of Fanta

The night's winding down
But I'm staying up
Smoke deep in my lungs
And booze in my cup

Don't forget your scarf
The coats on on the bed
Out in the back yard
We're crashing the sled

Lay on my back
Look up at the stars
Snow falling down now
Let's add some guitars

No creature was stirring
Not even a mouse
If we all get too cold now
I'll burn down my house

The stockings were hung
By the chimney with care
Blinking too fast now
In the cold winter air

It's coming around
coming around
Christmas time is here

It's coming around, coming around
Christmas time is here

Christmas time is here

I snorted the line
Man, I took my time
Got everything on my list
 
I'm starting to shake
There's cookies to bake
Pour me another drink

Christmas eve with my friends
Don't want it to end
Police at the door

He says it's nearly 4
Please open the door
Or we'll have to kick it in

We got a complaint 
Please show some restraint
A turn the music down

We'll be right there
Get the drugs out of here
I've got some under my bed

They kick in the door
Scream get on the floor
As I sneak out the back

We run into the night
Gonna put up a fight
I ain't going down for this

I ain't going down for this

Christmas time is coming
You can bet your bottom dollar on it

Christmas time is here
So grab a drink and spread some cheer

I want a hippopotamus
And I want a pass for the city bus

I want my two front teeth
And I want the cops to stop looking for me

I drank too much now I need hydration
Wish i was home watching Christmas Vacation

It was going well 'till the police raid
How did I end up just like Randy Quaid

Now I'm lost in the woods, can't find my friends
It's not my fault that I go full send

Tried to stay sober, but I think I might
Starting to feel like I got frost bite

My vision is blurry and my hands are blue
Hope I don't wake up in the ICU

Christmas time is coming
Bet your bottom dollar on it

Christmas time is here
So grab a drink and spread some cheer

Lost in the distance
Run through the trees
Friends and family waiting for me

I see a searchlight
I hear a voice
I see my friends, I hear them rejoice

They hand me a blanket
And try to explain
I took too much think I'm going insane

There was no knock at the door
No police lights
I just ran out the back, took off in the night

I just drank too much
Took too much blow
Methylenedioxypyrovalerone

It's coming up Fralphie
The suns coming up
Back at home, got some nog in my cup

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