My First Test

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Eric Kellum

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Yo
So back in the day
This joint is one of the first joints I ever wrote
Twenty something years ago
It's got that old school flare but that's all right
Check it out
I got so many things here on my mind
But I don't know where to start
As I analyze my life
I feel the pounding of my heart
Beating Faster Faster
Racing like a horse
People say Life is a Race
But yo I still don't know my course
And what's the source of happiness
How do I define success
They say I'm young and on the go
But do I really know what's best
And if life was a test would I be passing or failing
What happens when I
What happens when I
What happens when I die
What happens when I die
What happens when I die
Would I see heaven or would I see hell in
In this world so many problems
It's not hard to lose your mind
If you've seen the things I've seen
You'd probably wish that you were blind
If you heard the things I've heard
You'd probably wish that you were deaf
And when you start to hear so much
You start to think there's nothing left
I've heard them say the world is ending
And it's hard to disagree
But if that's true
I wonder man
What becomes the best of me
I mean
My mind it loves the knowledge
My body loves the pleasure
But my spirit's kind of lacking
Because it has nothing to measure
A faith in a relationship with a higher type of being
To believe in the supernatural without me even seeing
Any evidence or proof
But I can't front
I wonder
Where are you before conception and where do you go past six feet under
When I
When I stop to hear the thunder
Could it be somebody roaring
When I see an eagle fly who
Who created him to soar
And is the one who made the eagle the same Creator who made me
Well, IF you do exist ALMIGHTY GOD
TELL ME
WHERE COULD YOU BE
Here's a personal example of discouragement at best
It was at an early age when life gave me my first test
You see
Mommy don't go
I'm going to find your father
I was abandoned by my mother when I was the age of five
And my father brother please
I never knew he was alive
My grandma and foster family gave me lots of love it's true
But I always took it lightly
Because I just knew they'd leave me too
I used to stay all to myself because I feared family and friends
I figured IF I had a friend
I'd be abandoned once again
You probably think I had my problems
That was only the beginning
In school I drank
Smoked weed
Cursed
Played and disrespected women
But in the midst of all my sinning
Towards myself and sin towards others
Deep inside I always knew that what I did was done to cover up
The emptiness
The loneliness of being by yourself
But tell me
What can a brother do
When he's too cool to ask for help
And because of my selfish attitude
A lot of people
They strayed from me
But I thank God for selected few that
Stayed and Prayed for me
I don't know exactly what it was they prayed for in my life
But the outcome was a new life
With my best friend Jesus Christ
Now I call Jesus my best friend
Cuz he taught me trust again
He said if I would walk with him
I won't get left again
He said
"Man will let you down Eric
Regardless if they love you
But I'll always be around because
I stick closer than your mother
If you give me all your wrong
I'll take your wrong and make it right
And once I make it right
I'll make your life a shining light"
So I did just what He said
And I see He made a difference
And all the hurt
The pain
The fears
The tears
They are no longer in existence
So I stopped hiding the pain in the drinking and the smoking
God helped me to face my past so I could
Get past the things that were broken
And I stopped playing games with the ladies
Hmph that was just a crutch
It was a type of drug I clutched because I lacked my mother's touch
God has delivered me from so much
His love floods me as such
I have a beautiful wife and five incredible kids
Do you see there what God did
From no family to a family man
I don't understand why he chose to bless me so much
And if life was a test
I think today I would be passing
And one day I'll get to heaven to enjoy life everlasting
Yeah the world has a lot of problems
But they won't burden down my mind
Because I'll do my part to solve them
And stop ACTING like I'm blind
And I know
I know I'll make a difference in this world
Because now I see
That this GREAT GOD that I was looking for before
Today
He walks with me
Thank you

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