Avalanche

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Sonny Eldona

7:00

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Underneath my past I'm buried
Cold and lonely
Starting to get worried
Give anything just to be safe again
I wish I knew now what I thought I knew then
But that's okay
Now I'm healing
Losing everything turned into a blessing
To say I wasn't scared I'd be lying
That's when I ran away instead of saying goodbye to you
I wanted so bad to say I'm sorry
I would've in a second, but they wouldn't let me
So I had to move on and start over
So many people and not much closure
Then I made a choice to deal with the sickness
Everyone I hurt did not deserve this
Turned my life into a living apology
Hoping one day they might have some mercy on me
I fell down far no doubt about it
Realized my whole life I'd been a hypocrite
Acting one way, thinking another
Laughing out loud while hiding the anger
But it all caught up and dragged me under
How I made it through I'll always wonder
It started getting better when I looked in the mirror
It's hard to admit to yourself you're a loser
But I found out I could be anybody
I didn't have to hate me or feel empty
All those years being sad and somehow
I'm able to look at it differently now, but

I can't escape this avalanche of feelings
Trapped beneath, I might be dying
Digging for the top and I can't breathe
Nobody's here to rescue me
But I broke through
Got on my feet
Nearly defeated but more complete
Climbing uphill with the wind in my face
There's no point racing what you can't outrace

Looking back on my history
Lived my life like an absentee
Walking around with a big wide grin
Not a care in the world and no discipline
It got a little rough at a very early age
Watch out mama! Daddy's in a fit of rage
Is this hate? Or is this love?
You got me thinking that I'll never be enough
Raised up with a victim's mentality
This can't really be reality
Childhood lost just a little too soon
Praying every single morning I'd be dead by noon
But days kept passing and years did too
All messed up just trying to make due
Broken heart buried deep inside
I couldn't care less I'm just along for the ride
Doing what I'm told though going through the motions
School, job, wife, kid, faking devotion
I tried to love but it hurt like hell
You can't love others when you hate yourself
I couldn't end it all though, everything I hated
Drinking and drugging until the pain dissipated
Acting like a madman out on the roads
The clichéd time bomb ready to explode
But somehow, somebody was watching over
I dodged more bullets than a frontline soldier
Finally got clipped by my backstabbing ego
It all crashed down then I let it all go, but

I can't escape this avalanche of feelings
Trapped beneath, I might be dying
Digging for the top and I can't breathe
Nobody's here to rescue me
But I broke through
Got on my feet
Nearly defeated but more complete
Climbing uphill with the wind in my face
There's no point racing what you can't outrace

Down on my knees
Head to the floor
I can't do this
I can't take anymore
Please God end this I'm begging you please
I never meant to manifest days like these
I never ever wanted to hurt anyone
I never considered me to be the broken one
It snuck up on me just like death
The worst of the worst with no friends left
I definitely deserved everything I got
It's time to grow up whether I like it or not
Now's the time to break the cycle
To start to begin to stop being spiteful
You can be a much better man than this
You have so much more that you can give
Be the person that you said you were
And be a good dad and do it for her
And do it for the ones that you did wrong
For all of those that you strung along
And always give back to know for sure
You're not gonna be a problem anymore
So this is it
Don't be scared
It's gonna be hard so be prepared
It hurts right now, I know, but one day
You'll be so glad you chose the right way
Living life to give to another
Don't be a friend
Be more like a brother
You're not dead yet and stuck on the shelf
You'll feel much better when you're being yourself, but

I can't escape this avalanche of feelings
Trapped beneath, I might be dying
Digging for the top and I can't breathe
Nobody's here to rescue me
But I broke through
Got on my feet
Nearly defeated but more complete
Climbing uphill with the wind in my face
There's no point racing what you can't outrace
I can't escape this avalanche of feelings
Trapped beneath I might be dying
Digging for the top and I can't breathe
Nobody's here to rescue me
But I broke through got on my feet
Nearly defeated but more complete
Climbing uphill with a smile on my face
Because there's no point racing what you can't outrace no more

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