Seven Years

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Wax the Heart

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Years of carefully laid foundation
Friendship first, a buried connection
I whined and pined and drank too much wine
Until you finally asked if we could try
I cried to my friends about our limited time
But when asked about me, you'd laugh and you'd lie
Your friends never liked me
(Well except your best mate)
You both tried to claim me
Then preach "bros" a little too late

Sitting in the dust and ash of our long dead flame
I can't help but wonder what if you could do it all again?

Would you have been there as I walked across that stage?
Gave in the inch so I'd drive 40 miles both ways?
Been there for me before he had a chance
To swoop in and sweep up the broken pieces you left?
What if you had been there the first year I taught
Helped guide me through it but no you were not
What if I had listened and stayed in Long Beach
These what if's are wasted
So I'll save the speech
Sometimes I cringe at the person I was
But did she used to be someone that you could have loved?

Seven years of silence
Then out of the blue
You find me on socials
Like it's nothing new
My brain is on fire
For two whole days straight
Over your reply to my
Thanksgiving plate
I'm dying for answers
Why now? Why now? Why?
I'm dying to ask you
But scared you'd reply

"What if I had been there as you walked across that stage?
If I gave in the inch so we'd drive 20 miles each way?
Been there for you before he had a chance
To swoop in and sweep up the broken pieces I left?
What if you had been there the first year I taught
Helped guide me through it but no you were not
What if you had listened and stayed in Long Beach
These what if's are wasted
So I'll save the speech
Sometimes I cringe at the person I was
Cause I should've told you that I was in love?"

Racing thoughts
Too fast to catch
My brain, a
Repeating insomniac
What if i had stayed
What if you hadn't lied
What if you had fought for us
What if we had tried

Sitting in the dust and ash from our long dead flame
I've wondered how you would've handled me since

Would you have been there as I walked across that stage?
Gave in the inch to fly 1300 miles both ways?
Been there for me before someone new was?
In the hardest year of my life what if you had stuck around?
From the hospital and doctors, I wasn't sure that night
From the three wrong diagnosis before they got it right
I made it without you and better than that
I've found my own family, my voice, and my cats
I'm proud of the person that I have become
I'm finally someone that even I love

Seven years of progress
When out of the blue
You find me on socials
Like your long brewed crew
But the silence is deafening
And there's nothing to say
The story is over
The ink dried on the page

(Do you ever hear ocean avenue
And remember when we used to cruise
Blasting it down that same street
All the way back in 2013)

(Do you remember that Ross David song
The way you'd overplay it all night long
On repeat to be reminded of me?
Do you let it play out or just skip it now)

(Do you ever hear ocean avenue
And remember when we used to cruise
Blasting it down that same street
All the way back in 2013)

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