The Accidental Overdose of Gladys Kravitz
TurtleFrogMan
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When my father passed on, I was sad but I never did weep He was in pain and his death was relief in disguise But I cried when we had to put our little dog Gladys to sleep Because I am partly to blame for her recent demise We found in her in a shelter little bag of bones nobody wanted She was old for a dog and had quite a few bad allergies She didn't like affection and would run when with kindness confronted But she could eat her own weight up in every known flavor of cheese She was just seven pounds but she ate like a ravenous bear When she was hungry she honked like a migrating goose When I think of that night, I put my head in my hands in despair I did something stupid for which there is no good excuse She slept in our bed and her allergies made us frustrated She coughed and sneezed loudly in spite of her allergy pills So we gave her a sedative but we were drunk and we miscalculated The dosage and for a small dog, bad arithmetic kills We must say goodbye now to our darling Gladys On chunks of cheese no longer shall you gnaw From the moment we laid eyes on you, you had us In the center of your tiny doggie paw You had a scrunched up face like a dish rag someone squeezes Like Gladys Kravitz from the seventies sitcom Bewitched Sometimes at night I think I hear your chortles and sneezes Having known you these past months have been enriched Its three milligrams per pound, seven pounds that's roughly twenty When you're drunk you get reckless and often incur nature's wrath We gave her fifty which for a small pony is plenty We poisoned our dog because we couldn't do basic math She was so sick that night but seemed fine the next day, she was saved But then she started to cough and her cough was persistent and deep All the vomiting stressed out her throat and her trachea caved Which is a doggie death sentence and we had to put Gladys to sleep We must say goodbye now to our darling Gladys On chunks of cheese no longer shall you gnaw From the moment we laid eyes on you, you had us In the center of your tiny doggie paw You had a scrunched up face like a dish rag someone squeezes Like Gladys Kravitz, from the seventies sitcom Bewitched Sometimes at night I think I hear your chortles and sneezes
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