Survivor's Guilt
LaSpeaks Volumes
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Surviving Surviving ain't what I made it look like to you I wish I would've told you my struggles How there were times life was hard And unfortunately, it would continue to be I too, wanted to die in those times Those times, made it even harder to stay alive I wish I would've honored my pain, in those times I been fighting off these thoughts that's been taking me out my mind I wish I could rewind I wish I would've taken the mask off and shown up as myself sometimes To show you All 'em days I would cry All the days I had to face it and wish I could go and hide From all the people that hurt me and everything they denied I wish I'd shown you But I was only tryna survive I too, was tryna stay alive I'm sorry I'm confessing that I could've done better I could've done more, for you I made survival seem like a destination As if it doesn't go on and on I acted as if I had arrived in front of you I made you feel like survival wasn't something that you were approaching to I made it look like it was a gift that didn't belong to you Every time I held face, baby I lied I lied to you I'm sorry I could've told you what it feels like What it feels like to be holding on for dear life Everyday is a new, trying one It's trying you, while you trying to get through It's timing you, while you in your head about all there's still left to do It's confining you, while you thinking you ain't got that much room to move I wish you would've knew Surviving still leaves enough room for your wings to bloom I wish you would've knew, you could've flew And I wish it was right to me, so I could hold you to tell you these things I'm sorry I needed to tell you about that knot You know that knot that gets all caught up in your throat Then as soon you try to gasp for air You fear that you might choke Everybody around you but you feel like there's no one close You feel like you seeing them see you on the ledge But steady inching you off the boat I know The main ones holding you back but still expecting your growth I know The main ones who mocked every tear you done cried Make you feel like you less cause you can't keep all of it inside I know I'm sorry I wanted to tell you to lessen your expectations Around you were more cowards than heroes Who only will take you as far as his or her own fear goes Cause stepping too far into their own shit, leaves them too exposed This is something I wouldn't expect you to know You didn't know the lengths that they would go to keep from being seen In darkness, they preferred to do their deeds In the darkness, it's easier to deny your light rather than face themselves They remained hidden to protect themselves But only had they known what the efforts of protecting you The efforts of them trying to fix these things If only they had known what those efforts could do I'm sorry I didn't get to tell you that you were the one that was brave You spoke your fears out loud and actually called them by their names You set the precedent with that alone You moved those mountains and broke those chains on your own I'm sorry I wish I would've gotten down on my knees And kneeled you down to show you how to pray with me Praying is the best tool to make the enemy flee I should of told you to pray when you didn't believe When you didn't believe in the world, friends, family, or even me I'm sorry I held back, thinking I was protecting you Not knowing that my experiences The truth Would of been exactly what you needed to shelter you I'm sorry I withheld from you I wish I had more time to tell you, dying is one thing you never had to do But I understand There are days that it's harder for me to stay alive too
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"Survivor's Guilt Lyrics." Lyrics.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 1 May 2024. <https://www.lyrics.com/lyric-lf/7754811/LaSpeaks+Volumes/Survivor%27s+Guilt>.
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