By Myself

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My eyes are open, but am I actually awake
Am I dreamin' or seein' people, imagine that it's fake
I be tossin' and turnin' feel like I'm trapped on the ceiling
I'm fightin' battlin' demons, wakin' up to scratches on my face
Think I'm starting to feel it burn, from the pastor when he prays
Now my arms have been reaching further, they have to be detained
Now my heart isn't beatin' hurry, my arteries leakin' worse
And the doctor be thinkin' surgery has to be the way
I be making a lot of profits, taking a lot of losses
Living where they kill 'em everyday when they try to walk
I'm lookin' out the window while they breaking inside of cars
And layin' 'em down across the brains and the body parts
This ain't a game don't be playin' them kind of cards
You're never gon' be winnin' when you're playin' the final boss
And that don't even matter when you say that you got a squad
I'll be the reason y'all'll get acquainted with body guards
I be looking for the fame and it's kinda hard
I drink until I dissolve the pain of a hollow heart
Beefin' wit me kinda like a steak to a carnivore
Been rappin' to myself like I was saying a monologue
Cuz there ain't nobody around me, I keep the shotty around me
If you come outta your house they bury you by tomorrow
Keeping my distance and I don't leave or do anything
It's just me in my bedroom with just a blanket that's on the floor
I'm sick of the scenery, sick of it being me
I got everyone leaving me ain't no friends I don't need any
I'm diggin' through memories of the kids who were mean to me
Who continue to beat me down and then kick me repeatedly
Who left me to bleed I still feel the pins and the needles deep
Now I sit with the beat and feed this addiction that's eating me
While the pendulum swingin' watch every minute decreasin'
I start to wonder how everyone dealing with it so easily
All of these nightmares they turn into daydreams
And I try to fight fair but can't seem to break free
And nothing can help, stuck in my shell
And that's why I'm By Myself
By Myself, By Myself
By Myself, By Myself
And now I'm risin'
Just so I can get where I'm going I'm steady climbin'
Spent so many years tryna break through the barriers while
They asking me how isn't you blowing up with the rhyming
Well I just stuck with the wrong people I didn't really need
Up in Flint and just growing up with the violence
And I would just sit in the corner covering my face with the
Hoodie breathing the cigarette smoke up in the environment
Everybody said to pick a different road
It's a slippery slope and it's really frightenin'
I was talkin' to people I didn't even really know
Just to get through the moments I needed guidance
And I noticed I should probably really just handle it on my own
After ventin' and talkin' with a psychiatrist
And since I been sitting at home and I just been hidin'
My mind has been diggin' up so many little diamonds
This is for the outsiders who be down hidin'
With nobody there for 'em but the drugs and liquor
That's me
This is for the ones that never outside who just sitting
In the dark waiting for the sun to hit ya
Yeah yeah
The ones that sat at the empty table at lunch and they
Wondering why nobody ever runnin' wit ya
They just point and laugh at you to deal with the fact that
They know on every level that ain't gon' be fuckin' wit ya
Since I was a child it's been a goal that I'm reachin'
Back when I was trying to get em all to believe me
Back when I was nine with a laboratory set up in the bedroom
With the vials and chemicals and the beakers
Like I'm trying to get up off of these bleachers
And start to wonder why it's so difficult to achieve this
Because I don't fit in with no one I'm independent and lonely
On every night I spend alone every evenin' thinkin'
All of these nightmares they turn into daydreams
And I try to fight fair but can't seem to break free
And nothing can help, stuck in my shell
And that's why I'm By Myself
By Myself, By Myself
By Myself, By Myself

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