LET'S BE HONEST

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Jkng

6:21

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I ain't been doing well, when I wear the fake smiles I wonder
Who can tell, this past year has really felt like it was a
Living hell, I ain't been living well
They threw away the keys when they told me to get in the cell
Depression and anxiety take control of me I wish I had a
Hold on me, I'm tryna live up to the things they told of me
I'm tired of the limitation and they imitations man
They tryna make a mold of me is there a single soul to see
I've been carrying these burdens with one to take em off
And if I try to shake em off then Ill just be labeled soft
I've been burning all these bridges now it's time to get across
And speaking of a cross all of these so called christians
Throwing stones when they hold the very sins that they accost
They only care what they get and never care what it costs
They always pick and choose, I wonder what God will say
When the most judgmental people are always sitting in the pews
It's been a year since my life shattered tryna find the pieces
I'm tryna fight the demons that's been trampling my healing
There's reasons I cant see it and these demons cloud my feelings
So the only thing I ask is if you speak to me you mean it
Had some people stab me in the back I was
Protecting them, these curses that Im burdened with are feeling like
They never end, I'm tryna take some time away but when I do I
Never mend, all this weight I finally bent
Tryna find the answers, not the questions
I wanna hear the truth, not confessions
I just want your love, not attention
I don't want your comments, stop the mentions
On my birthday I didn't wanna live no more
I didn't wanna wish no more, no candles going out
I didn't wanna give no more, all I felt was alone
But looking back the past year maybe I was better off at home
I saw snakes slither through the grass there was too much cover
When the night is always darkest they draw with their true colors
Wish I saw the warning signs so I could give the Cue to go
You call yourself a friend couldn't make it to the funeral
That's some shit that you can't make up
I wish that I was dreaming man I wish that I'd just wake
But when you're cut from a different cloth and that fabrics being pulled
In all directions you finally see what you're really made of
and y'all some fake stuff
No one knows the struggles that I struggle through
I thought I was looking up to you just cause I was under you
You put yourself first, I was dealing with too much shit
To ever be the number two, like what have I really done to you
Now you're gone I've been struggling more than ever
I wish this rain would let up so I can try to just get better
But this sickness follows me no matter how many prayers I send up
But people depend on me so I gotta keep my head up
Keep my head above the water it's getting hard to tread
I hear the devil laughing as he dances in my head
I wish I could hear the beat but it feels I'm going deaf
It feels there's nothing left when I try to fix the mess
The mess that I've been making and this stress has got me breaking
And the text that's got me waiting like I got something to tell you
I was on cloud 9 heard the truth and then I fell through
What are you supposed to do when the pain comes from the one helps you
Now I'm struggling loving me cause they were always supposed to
The ones who always stab you are the ones that you get close to
They want me to bare with em when they're the ones who poked you
And now I can't believe everyone that I just spoke to
And now everything's a lie when it comes outside their mouth
I tried to go find God but couldn't find him on the mount
When it rains it pours but now I'm Running from the clouds
Might have em dress in all black like their Running down the aisle
I've been going up and down man these thoughts that have been racing
And I hope they are not placing, this race has got me pacing
How am I supposed to take it when I've taken all of the beatings for a
Year straight, and I don't have nothing left to take
It's just weighing on my shoulders I'm drowning in my tears
You were lying to face when you Sounded so sincere
I can't believe a word you say but go ahead and say em
Hope you're looking in the mirror and ask how can I be real
After I put the one I love just so down in all his fears
Then ask why I'm alone while I'm clowning all my peers
Well if the shoot fits then wear it, just don't try and tear it
You got a mile to walk it mine and then we'll see how you're faring
I don't wanna say these things but they just keep coming out
I was running out but now I think I'm coming down
Back to my lonely room it feels like a tomb
And it ain't fit for a king, but really that ain't breaking news
I'm just a flower that won't bloom, just an hour ended soon
Just a power that's consumed, just a mirror that can't break
But now I'm shattered over rooms, don't be picking up the pieces
If once I'm back together you just end up leaving
Like everyone else has
I'm trying keep it private but I don't have jet lag
I've been carrying the weight can you pick up the next bag
And I just wanna sneeze so I can finally get blessed back
If Gods closest to the broken hearted, then he must be near
But I'm feeling he just departed, just judging by all these tears
Release me from my chains I'm Hopeless and stuck in bondage
He put the Apple on the tree even Knowing I'll go regardless
If faith can heal the blind then why am I still not seeing
If you pulled me from the waters then why am I not breathing
I'm tryna flip the script don't even know what the scene is
I don't wanna play these games I don't know who my team is
They said come to you for rest but then what happens next
Cause I'm feeling like a pawn I'm just checking if it's chess
These problems been adding up got me feeling so much less
Don't put on a vest cause they don't aim for the chest
The shots got me feeling hollow please no speaking while I wallow
I'm too busy with this message in this bottle
But when the tables turn prides the only thing left to swallow
You only die once is really the only motto
The hardest carnage is one you see in the darkness
But the hardest darkness is what you see before the dawn
Just remember when the pain is pouring on, and you don't know what's going on
You'll see all the growth that happened when all that rain is gone

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