WHO AM I

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Candace Nicholas-Lippman

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When my good sis
Jasmine Williams
Tagged me on instagram
To write a poem
For this new hashtag challenge
Titled
"WHO AM I"

I initially ignored the notification

Because I knew
It would force me to be creative
Which is a space
I'm currently struggling
I can't write
I can't think
I can barely even breathe
As this thing called life
Has me suffocating
But
I'll answer the question

WHO AM I

A prayer warrior
God's solider
A mother to my mother
The eldest of her five daughters
Hood raised
But not a product
Of that toxic environment
Fatherless
But not in need of a daddy
Psalm 68

I am joy
I exercise faith
And I love when I shouldn't
I am hopeful
Not a hopeless
Romantic
A lover of children
And all things creative
I am over achiever

A "type A personality" disorder
The pariah
I have never fit in
No matter the circle
I am the puzzle
That will never be solved
Sherlock Holmes
Did his best
But I'm too complicated
Boxed in
By those who don't understand
His anointed
I am the secret weapon

But too modest
To ever draw it
Cause see I am "baby girl"
The innocent wallflower
Who's sweet as pumpkin pie
With her infectious energy
And wide-mouthed smile
I am
The one who's taken for granted

WHO AM I

Victim
Of substance
And physical abuse
Violated
At the tender age
Of 12
And still now
As just the other day
A grown man
Yanked off
My pants
Without asking
I am
A "Me Too" movement

WHO AM I

A romance novel
An R & B love song
A soul food dinner
I'm talkin'
Black-eyed peas
Candied yams and cornbread
Men
Always claim me as wifey
Until
They see me in my calling
Cue in
Male ego
And masked insecurity
I am too forgiving

I care way too much
About others opinions
Of me
People pleasing
My way
Through female interactions
Because
I
Don't want them
To see me as a threat
But see
I'm tired of dimming my light
Because "sis" can't take it

WHO AM I

I value soul to soul connections
But yet feel alone
I am Nina Simone's
Kin
Desperately yearning for freedom
I hate it here

In a world
Where everyone "fakes it till they make it"
And places value
On your Instagram follows
I am in the wilderness
Waiting for Moses
To take me to the promise land

WHO AM I

Lost
I am lost
Not in a religious sense
Jesus
But more on the lines
Of what do I do now

Tuesday
February 11th
6:24pm
She transitioned

Grandma

The first death in our family
And I don't know how to be
How to laugh without guilt
Live without remorse
Continue going after my dreams
When she is forever sleeping

WHO AM I

Legacy
The breaking
Of generational curses
I am
Filled with so much
Art
Pain and passion
That I choke
On my tears
Due to my immense
Desire
To change the world

WHO AM I

Tired
Fed up
Always in the struggle
Reprogramming
The poverty
Mindset
I was raised With
Sick to death
Of hearing
I'm so talented
But yet
Passed over
I am survivor
My destiny
Confirmed as a child
I am wild-ly
Fighting depression
She's gone
She's gone

And never coming back
I am sad

WHO I AM

Today
I am Grief

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