Alexandria

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EETH

3:31

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I've walked a long and painful road for being 21
Or maybe that's just everyone
And maybe life is hard until you bite the bullet, shoot the gun
For all the fathers, sisters, mothers and every son
I got 'em all and yet

The lonely times keep gettin' lonelier
The lies I tell myself keep gettin' phonier
And now I do the same shit with my mom
It's really only the peaches and cream that I show to her

I can hear her voice in my head
"Did you eat today"
Then in my mind already know what
She 'boutta say
"Here's what we got in the fridge"
Like she didn't tell me yesterday
Like my eyes were on sabbatical
Like doin' work was radical
She tells me she loves me in her own way

Like bringing home candy and pumpkin bread
And never caring what I said
She didn't ask for thank yous
When I said 'em they were in my head

I have so much to say I'm sorry for
So many reasons to put my knees on the floor
And pray for forgiveness to a god I don't believe in for sure

I'm sorry I wasn't a great teen
I'm sorry for all the times that I made you raise your voice when you couldn't scream
I'm sorry I made you pay for bad decisions and pipe dreams
I'm sorry that I wasn't rich at 18
If I were to do it all again I'd do it differently
I wanted to share my peace for so long but hits aren't free
I've spent an eternity at least for me to make you see

But I got time left in me to make things right again
I try my hardest to make sure we don't fight again
I stopped slammin' doors and started taking my vitamins
I'm not your little boy anymore, but boy I'm glad I am

I need advice everyday and I don't come to you
Even though I know I should I'm using different tools
I learned the birds and the bees through Google searches
And how to take a punch way back in middle school

It's not that you weren't there for me
Both you and dad were parental apogees, so to speak
And I can't thank you enough for all you did for me
And I don't thank you enough

And I don't say enough how much I love you guys, but you know I do
Though all the ink I burned on letters and the residue
And every Mother's Day and Father's Day since I was 2
And then I left the house and now I don't have a letter from last year to outdo

And that's the hard truth
I'm basically a recluse
My friends over-worry and one of these days I worry I'll overuse
Loose strings unravel when they're over bruised
And true nature reveals itself when there's nothin' to lose

I didn't put a seatbelt on when I was young
I didn't know the danger when a car was flung
And everything I'd lose and all the life I wouldn't live before my life was done
Uh

And I don't remember every moment from my childhood
But I remember white boards and firewood
And light swords would tire us
Until the sun set and all our clothes were wet from playing in the rain
Or campaigns so complex that it would leave a mess

I miss the coffee shop down the block from the library
And the ice cream place around the corner with the purple fairy
And sundaes and purple cherries
Fireflies and blue canaries
And everything else I can't look back on, it all scares me

When I look into the past I see a different boy
A shadow of myself that died some time ago with all my joy
And all the toys that I have since gown out of playin' with
And all the blankets in my bed that I was layin' with
Uh
I got some tenants in my head that I've been stayin' with
And rent that I can barely afford but I've been payin' it
The life we live ain't long enough and no one's sayin' it
You may not live forever, but a blade can cut it short and I been weighin' it

No really why's this life so hard for me
Maybe I'm making it harder by livin' inside a dream
Maybe I really did die two years ago and maybe nothing is what is seems
Mmm

That's basically the whole theme
That's basically the real meaning behind what stones I can pick up and throw
And everything else that turned into steam
I don't know much, but I know the things keep me out my mind's abyss
All the things I care about and everything I miss
And I miss Alexandria
At least I think I do

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