big girl now

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Kaitlin Stark

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I used to look at the world
Like it was in my hands
Like I could do anything
But now I know I can't
I used to love to draw
I used to love to play
But now if someone knew my fantasies
I'd feel ashamed
The magic didn't even wave goodbye as it left
And now I feel the weight of everything in my chest
And I don't remember the last time
I danced alone
Didn't compare my body
To all the girls in my phone
Woke up carefree, wasn't stressed
Didn't feel like a goddamn mess
But I guess
I'll survive somehow
Cause I'm a big girl now
I'm a big girl now
I'd run around my street with all my friends
But now it feels like they all live on different continents
And I wore anything I wanted
Said whats on my mind
Now everything I say
I replay the whole damn night
And I don't remember the last time
I danced alone
Didn't compare my body
To all the girls in my phone
Woke up carefree, wasn't stressed
Didn't feel like a goddamn mess
But I guess
I'll survive somehow
Cause I'm a big girl now
I'm a big girl now
It went from crayons and play dates and glitter
To slowly becoming a quitter
From ice cream and dress up and birthdays
To feeling so fuckin' lost most days
I don't remember the last time
I felt that good
If my fairy godmother
Said I could go back I would
Wake up carefree, wouldn't be stressed
Wouldn't feel like a goddamn mess
But I guess
I'll survive somehow
Cause I'm a big girl now
(Is somethin' wrong with me? Is this how it's suppose to be?)
I'm a big girl now
(wish I could go to sleep, and not be 23)
(just unlearn it all)

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