Covering the Bases

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Ask The Birds and Combatplayer

8:07

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First base
You've never been more beautiful than you are right now
Standing in front of me
And I think I see your eyes on my lips
And I weigh the risk of embarrassment and rejection against the feeling of your lips on mine
And in a split second I decide it'll be worth it
And I don't remember much of it
But I like to imagine it was raining
Like in "The Notebook"
When our faces met and the world went quiet
Second base
We're making out in your bedroom and I feel your hand
Tip-toeing up my thigh
Hesitant
And it's summer
And it's one of those days
So I take your hand and lead it the rest of the way
And I let you do your thing
And I try not to make that face that I make
(No such luck)
I hope you like me enough to ignore it or even like it
Luckily you do
Countdown
Ignition
Launch
You hand me a towel
And I say "I love you" and instantly regret saying it right after orgasming
You see, 'cause, like, I love you all the time
Not just because I just came
But it made sense to say it right now
I thought, but now it feels like I'm giving you a treat or something
That's not the point any way
Sorry for ruining the mood
Umm want to watch "The Lord of the Rings"?
Third base
Don't worry
I washed up thoroughly
How about you?
Do you like pineapple?
Is that even real or a myth?
Guess we'll find out
Someone told me to do the alphabet
But I keep getting stuck at "u"
And
I would love it if you pull my hair
(Actually please do)
I'll keep going
You orgasm, you spasm
You say you love me
And I know you mean always and not just now
So I keep going
And then a bit
Fourth base
The americans call it the homerun
The moon shot
The wallop
The slam
The blast
Going deep
We cuddle
We fondle
We fiddle
First base
Second base
Third base
I always remember how in sex ed
They told us it was all instinctual and I wouldn't have to think at all
But see, here's the problem
See, I've never really been good at not overthinking
'Cause I've got ADHD
And I start thinking about how I can surprise my players in the next D&D session
Or maybe if I've paid the bills
Oh did we turn off the stove?
No, wait, we got takeout
Oh, I should've paused the movie actually
Now we're gonna miss the good part but
Oh
You're doing that thing
"I love you"
F*ck, I did it again
Fifth base
Sex is getting boring and I start overthinking
But you want more
So I tie you down and realize that even a feminist
Might really enjoy cumming in someone's face
Sixth base
You feel rejected and unattractive 'cause I'm too tired most nights
Seventh base
We talk about things we're passionate about
They're not the same things
And neither of us are listening
Eighth base
My eyes have started to wander when we're outside
And maybe I am flirting a bit too much with that other girl
Even though I won't even admit to it myself
Ninth base
You feel like I'm not prioritizing you
And that I'd rather be with my friends
And you're honestly completely right
'Cause you're so fucking uninteresting
Tenth base
I grow distant
Eleventh base
You miss me when we're together
I forget you when we're not
Twelfth base
I've known for months that we should break up
So I start treating you less and less carefully
Like a phone you've had for about a year
And you know you shouldn't
But you'd kind of like to replace it
And it'd be easier to justify it if the screen got smashed
Or maybe you're just kind of hoping
Or maybe I am just kind of hoping that
The phone will just eventually leave me so I won't have to make the decision myself
Thirteenth base
You're crying almost every night
Even if I'm right beside you
Fourteenth base
I get drunk a lot
By the way, cheers guys!
Fifteenth base
You're afraid that you're somehow unlovable
But then I write a poem with some thoughts on love
And you think it's about you and that maybe we have a chance
And so you don't give up yet
Sixteenth base
I finally break up with you
Seventeenth base
We're technically still friends
But it turns out early twenty-something year old me is just not very good at staying friends with people who aren't
A) very interesting, or
B) beautiful people whom I haven't yet seen naked
Eighteenth base
I write a "super honest" poem about how I'm incapable of loving people properly
Hoping people will take pity on me
And maybe some girls might even find it sort of attractive somehow
Maybe think my honesty is cute
And maybe they'll be the right one to keep me interested and stuff
Nineteenth base
Five years later I write another verse
And I can be more honest now
And I was probably never going to keep trying after the third base anyway
'Cause the truth is maybe I just didn't like sex that much
Or maybe we just weren't that compatible
And maybe doing it anyway so many times when I didn't really want to
Has affected me more than I will ever understand
And now I don't really know how to feel about sex anymore
And maybe I'm asexual
Or maybe I'm demi?
Like, it's hard to tell
I guess I'm demi in practice
But also I definitely like looking at hot people
And I dated that one girl that I really liked having sex with
(Those two or three times before we broke up)
But I still didn't cum
But maybe that was the antidepressants or the ADHD
So who knows, and who cares
Just, the thing is
If you are to go out with me
You should know that I don't mind going down on you and stuff
It's just more for your sake than for mine I guess or something
But that also just sounds like a pickup line, God
I hate dating just so much
I don't even know
'Cause I want to bring it up
But also I don't want to be presumptuous or anything
Like I don't know if you even want to have sex with me yet
So anyway, now it's all right here in this stupid ass track
That has gone on for way too long
And I don't even think this qualifies as spoken word anymore
Or maybe it does
I guess I'm speaking words, so, I guess that's spoken word
God, I hate this art form so much
And this album is just getting increasingly incoherent by the minute
And yeah, you're right, we actually put actual canned laughter in the beginning of this track
'Cause we couldn't be bothered to set up a show and record it live
But I promise, I promise I've done it live before
And people used to laugh at those moments, okay?
I swear, ask anyone who was there
Or don't, who cares
It's just a stupid spoken word record
Speaking of, let's get back to the album

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