Where I'm At, part two

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Adrian Z. Rios

10:26

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Life comes at ya fast
External and internal attacks
Where I'm at is 'cause of where I've been at
I've been hopeless, abandoned, emotional and backwards
I've been stressed and restless for too many hours
I've been drained and in pain
I've been afraid and betrayed
I've been frustrated and angry
I've been wrong and I've been wronged
I've been lost and I've lost
I've been confused, I've been humbled
With me and others, perspective, feelings and logic get jumbled
It's not all the world out to get me
It's not all people that have hexed me
Insecurities and ego go hand in hand
I thought I had them in check
I really thought I had
Don't know why I did some of the things that I have
I move with love
Sometimes too much
Don't know any other show
Sometimes misunderstood
I move with love
'Cause that's all I want
Human nature but I take it far
'Cause that's all I've ever wanted
Can never get enough
I get it how I can where I'm at even if its attached to burning myself out
I know that's not the best now
And let's just say, it wasn't just my ways
Some people can sure poison, can't they?
I worked through all the aches
No hard feelings
All love
I'm just happy I'm ok
That's where I'm at

That's where I'm at
That's where I'm at
Yeah, that's where I'm at
That's where I'm at

How did I get here?
I'm glad I did
What a life this is
Where do I begin?
I'm thinking, feeling and speaking different
There's lessons I'd enforced
But now they mean even more
Watch your mouth
Watch your brain
Watch your heart
It can be hard
Watch your back
Watch your front
Watch your side
It's only right
Never be too comfortable
Can never be too careful
And don't push your luck
You move with love
Mistakes and hurt all come from it
Instead of numb, go head on with it
Go ahead and trust yourself more
You cringe at stuff you've said or done, but you did it all with good reason
Don't make you small for what's not tall
Some flaws don't mean wrong
You're nuanced
At least you try
Your efforts are strong
You'll show you love
You'll forgive your soul
You got hurt but learned and won
That's all you can really ask for
I don't want any trouble
I want the calm
I almost couldn't be without feeling wrong
Paranoia liked to talk and keep talking
The pressure of perfectionism, I'm exhausted
Perfect isn't worth it, it's not even conscious
But Chiron in Virgo, so it's not an option
Why am I the way I am? That gave me responses
At least I know about my problems
That explains it all
Why I'm a restless soul
Even when it's all so simple
Why I call on reasons to be shameful
Why I can't ride a high for too long
Highly sensitive, any mistake is a pitfall
A personal Hell
A lot of those, I've felt
It's brutal disappointing yourself
It's like a hobby to fight to forgive myself,
to accept myself
At least I've gotten good at breaking spells
So I always will
But does there always have to be some sort of test?!
Yes. Live with it
'Cause its been apparent with the recent past, life doesn't always go according to plan
Gotta be ok with it
I don't always go according to plan,
Gotta be ok with it.
Life is imperfect and so am I.
I can start to manage, use that all to my advantage
It keeps me in check
I can see what's right, top, bottom and left
Too much, too little, enough? To be determined
If I'm overthinking, whatever, I'm meant to be, I guess
It makes me wanna keep up the climb and ascend
At times, the brain and the heart don't assess and it's just my gut with the information
That's a trip
I'll remember that while I stick to using my head and playing the drum in my chest as Much as I wish
I'll get what I get
I'm directed and help direct
And I'm cursed and I'm blessed by my moon in Pisces to feel it all
It's a defense and an offense
I'm proud to have it, even in the nonsense
It's a superpower, not a conflict
But all the bacteria, I'm detoxing
It started as spring cleaning
Spirituality helps make it easy
It's the little things that work best
A shower isn't just hygiene, it's an aura cleanse
I looked into it
Teas are magic potions, that's my medicine
Cleaner eating, so many benefits
Coffee gives me a lift, but not too much of it
Taurus Lilith, I gotta know my limits
Off to the gym to uplift, all about good stress
For negatives, angel numbers assist
I swear I'm not crazy
And synchronicities teach me
I swear I'm not crazy
I swear I'm not crazy
If it is, so be it, I feel at home
I know what I want to fight for
I know who I want to fight for
I know what's at its end
I know what's just beginning
I have faith and my fight with everything
I go back to zen after losing it in my head
I swear I'm not crazy
I swear I'm not crazy
It's just, so much is frustrating
Overwhelmingly duality and neutrality, the personality of our reality
So I'm the universe in a body
I'm an optimist, realist, and melancholy
Some things aren't as good as I thought, as bad as I thought, are exactly what I thought, Are better than I thought, are probably worse than I think, are better than I think
I've got theories
Can't always rely on just feelings or just logic
Life is too tricky to just be one of them
Doom and gloom and rainbows in the climate
I'm used to the weight of my world, I survive it
I stretch out the muscle strains
The world I've made rests on my shoulders
Countless choices I'm glad I went for
Countless choices I wouldn't make anymore
I go over them all
I know why I did what I did, why I said what I said
I know what I should've done and shouldn't have
At least I know
Did the best job I could do, still do
I'm better off from all that's happened
Now I have some answers
What a relief
I've got some new questions
How interesting
There's a lot I don't know
I don't like not knowing
It's ok to not know
I'm kinda free not knowing
I'm back and forth
I do like having direction
Don't always need to know where I'm heading
I should put the focus on the present
That's where the future me is assembling
All I need to be is who I am in this time and space
I'll get to the next phase
I'll make a masterpiece from what I've traced,
Here in my drafts
That's where I'm at

That's where I'm at
That's where I'm at
Yeah, that's where I'm at
That's where I'm at

Something higher has its pull
And I don't need a push, I'll just go
My heart wants what it wants
It's not unhealthy or delusional
My mind stops for nothing less
I'm curious what fate and I will end up picking
Different kind of lives I could end up living
I'm eager to see the full story given
How hindsight will change the present I live in
One day, these questions, I'll be intelligent
It'll be worth the wait
But I'm not just on standby
I'm traveling where I want on this plane
No flight details, but optimistic sensation
I believe in the Universe
I believe in my life
I believe in myself
A lot of time in my temple, time spent well
I go to confession
I go into reflection
I keep to myself
I put some new fence up around
I gatekeep my trust and my boundaries
I became more introverted, extroverted for the right people
The way I show them love, I'm treating me more equal
Self-preservation during the death of confidence with ego
Using the good living in my Mars in Leo
I'm rebuilding with my best like a reboot
It's like everything fell apart to return new
I'm shedding my skin
Most of it
I'm taking the best with
Got some good I don't wanna ditch
Bonds I've got are at their most strong
It's all love, an essential element
Things don't stunt me as much
So I know I'm growing.
I catch myself in moments of possession, old ego I thought I left for dead, and I shut up And I deflect it
Inwards and towards the Universe, I ask for forgiveness
May It treat me with grace
I'll always do to it the same
Been around the block
Got a few gray hairs
Making sure that with age  comes wisdom
I know more if something is nothing or everything
I love the good bits more than I already did
I have the thrill of so much of what I've dreamt
That's something that I need to forget less
There's a lot that I'm good with, a lot I'm better at
Like letting go
But with certain people, it

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