Cynical Soliloquies

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Faulted

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I want to thank you all for coming out today
So glad you could make it
And am grateful for the support

Hello my name is Faulted
I'm an alcoholic and an addict
Easy decisions are hardly automatic
See a pretty chemical you know I got to have it
It's, savage and tragic the casual damage is madness
Light a match for the sadness, magnet shenanigans
Gave my soul away, feeling like a mannequin
In a mask again
It's a massive sin
Massacre my sanity and ask it when
I can re-enter my mind just to blast the wind
Swing at the air, what am I missing
Could learn a thing or two, if I would just listen
Christened with bullshit a filthy baptism
Slipping transmission bang fists like a piston
Instant combustion blood rushing concussion
Seeking the ending it all becomes nothing
Every emotion's devoted or choking
All of a sudden I'm over emoting
Walls have eroded I want to be loaded
All of me hoping is cutting me open
I cannot stop it, why have I woken
Give my token back, the game has been broken
Sadistic twisted thoughts
Masochistic mind games the god in me rots
Talking to Angels the call has been dropped
Wait a damn minute did she cut me off
I cannot quit but I must submit
And stop giving into tendencies that make me sick
Blood on my lips and smoke in me lungs
Can't turn around nah the trip has begun
Bark at the sun, howl at the moon
Kissing a memory in love with the doom
Burn it all down inhaling the fumes
Puncturing skin looking for a new groove
Ahh I missed again
Target disappeared and I'm trapped within
Walls are all fluffy and there's no one else
Laughing in a jacket that hugs it's self
Been there before swore I finished the war
Fight is not over I'm not sober no more
Or maybe I am and I'm just too nuts
Never grew much and I'm just screwed up
Intelligent blessings cursed me luck
Develop momentum and then get me stuck
Two feet slipping need four wheel drive
Shift the gears to meet my demise
Hide the highs
Why the lies
Where's the good man that my family finds
Look in the mirror picking my face
Scars on my skin, iron I taste
These words have been spoken, will not erase
Deleting the dreams no longer can chase
Wanna run free but I don't feel safe
End up living in a box what a wasted waste
Smile gone missing, will it return
One in the chamber, when will I learn
Twisting in circles the cylinder turns
Speaking in tongues, sleeping in urns
Ha I'm a deathbed gangster
Don't give a flying f*ck if I wake up
Love is a chemical designed to break us
Life is disgusting behind the make up
Cynical Soliloquies I need to chill
Call me a doctor she could feed me pills
I'd rather have ololiuqui and hit the hills
This glass tastes funny behind the sill
Feeling the pressure
Give him some fresh air
Handing you subtleties see what he said there
Deadpan stare down get your head clear
Puke it all up you've been fatally fed fear
Now, with all that said
These are all ill thoughts swimming through my head
Struggles that I battle with day to day
Walking on the edge of a razor blade
One false move I could lose it all
Worked too hard to redo the Fall
Can't imagine the moment I gotta admit
I relapsed again and that I'm a bitch
I need to fix the fix
Switch the itch
Black and grey Chucks are the shoes that fit
No more cuffs man I'm better than that
Need to get better so I better get back
I said no more handcuffs I'm better than that
Need to get better so I better get back

And you know people are often asking me
What's going on in there
So here it is
These are the thoughts Like ninety nine thousand a day
Shit maybe more
And they come deep from the addicted mind of a sick man
These words mark time
Leaving the past far behind
The darkest days were suffocating
I had to leave to breathe
Had to get clean to see
And now the Light looks brand new
A special hue of blue I never before knew

Again my name is Faulted
I'm an alcoholic and an addict
Thank you

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