Meandering

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Faulted

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And all this weather that we storm through

Meandering, scattered brains
Through the wound I guide you
To an encapsulated frame of mind often suicidal
Why'd I have to find the right half of my head's my rival
Darkness in my eyelids, see this the side I slide to
And the slide's arrived in tunnel form no glimpses of the light
These words I scribe in cuneiform, forgotten how to write
Fallen back on ancient times old memories I fight
These sights will not subside like ghosts live in my eyes
Phantoms of another life remind me what I've done
Sacrificed the good inside for the barrel of a gun
Aimed upon the ones I love now everybody run
But which way am I pointing, deadly questions have begun
Everyone's a suspect, paranoia troubles me
Still skeptical of smiles, f*ck them off before they leave
If I cannot trust myself, then what is loyalty
These fruits of life ferment to wine, smell it spoiling
Now take a sip or ninety nine, see worries disappear
Only momentarily the stormy skies will clear
Temporary clarity relieves this fatal fear that
Everything will fucking suck the longer we stay here
All these Cynical Soliloquies keep me underneath
The brutal waves of winter waters that never will quite freeze
Just suffering, frigid temps, blood too cold to bleed
I need a hand to help but stubborn me refuse to scream

All this weather that we storm through
You know there's clouds in front of the blue
And all the drama we get into
Yeah that's what makes you You

Walking through sad valleys echoes every nervous step
The graves are used to mark my brain where every urge is kept
The Percocet's a perfect net quit holding worthless breath
Relapses jumble up my words, spell out Certain Death
All is fair when Karma's there, boomerang reflections
Or is it love and war I hear my beautiful deception
Ever since inception seems I steer towards misdirection
F*ck my Self right off again the selfishest affection
Angry thoughts keep carving lines on both sides of my eyes
This cannot be the life I loved I grew up to despise
Hatred infiltrates my heart, manipulative lies
Keep telling me I'll be alright survive the highest skies
But it ain't the altitude I fear, it's the collision with the ground
That hurts worse than the physical in this prison that I found
Round and round I circulate in sick arteries I drown
I swore again it'd be the last time that I come down

All these rivers that we swim through
You know it's the rapids that make you move

I heard a friend had died alone with a needle in his arm
Another one had offed himself when they killed and raped his mom
It's hard for me to move beyond the traumas and the wrongs
To regain all momentum, after it is gone
It's much more difficult to grow than dig down deep below
Walk too far in the forest see your soul get swallowed whole
Trust me I know, how to walk down broken roads
Six years I've been stuck inside, still can't see my Home
This disconnect from all I love has taught me many things
Like, how to wear a smile while I suffocate in dreams
Do my best to overcome, navigate the seas
That pull me in and out like tides blind me with disease
The addict in my attic is forever lurking close
Each and every time I break more weakness is exposed
One more final chance I have before the doors are closed
I hope this is the last time but I need more than hopes

All this weather that we storm through
You know there's clouds in front of the blue
And all the drama we get into
Yeah that's what makes you You

I said this weather that we storm through

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