Confessions

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Caitlin Cook

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The first time I felt horny, I was nine
Watching Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat

On my 21st birthday, I got so drunk I threw up on a car
A cop car

My ex-boyfriend has been staying with my on my couch 
While he's in between apartments
And sometimes I fart in his pillow when he's not around

I made my mime teacher so mad, she yelled at me
Until very recently, I did not know Stevie Wonder was blind
I thought glasses were just his "thing"

When I was eleven, I attempted to have sex with a bowling ball
It was the thumbhole
It was abandoned shortly afterwards

I woke up one morning at a sailing teammates' house
Having lost my pants and broken their TV while blackout drunk the night before
I found my pants, but my dignity has not been seen since

In the third grade we had to dress up as our heroes for school full assembly
There was George Washington, MLK, Walt Disney, etc.
But for some reasons, I was John Cougar Mellencamp

I hooked up with a man named Bus Stop
I hooked up with a man named Bus Stop
I hooked up with a man named Bus Stop
I hooked up with a

These are my confessions
Just when I thought I said all that I can say
My chick on the side said she got one on the way
These are my confessions
Man, I'm throwed, and I don't know what to do
Guess I gotta give you part two of my confessions
If I'm gonna tell it, then I gotta tell it all
Damn near cried when I got that phone call
I'm so throwed, I don't know what to do
But to give you part two of my confessions
Part two of confessions

I once witnessed my friend fart into her boyfriend's hand 
While they were cuddling
And then he made her pancakes
It was then that I knew that was the relationship I wanted

Then I hooked up with a man named Bus Stop
I hooked up with a man named Bus Stop
I hooked up with a man named Bus Stop
I hooked up with a man named Bus Stop

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