Mormon Rapsody (Welcome to Utah)

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Aelios

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I'm devout to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints
Quite a mouthful, but I'm confident that you'll be able to keep up with the pace
Kinda doubtful of your knowledge except of those geeks out reppin' that name
Hi, allow ol' me to teach you the ropes, kids, my name is Chase
Uh, yeah, yeah, "This is the place!"
Latter-day Saint, LDS faith
Hi, my name is Chase
(Not James?) No
(Jake?) No
(Shake?) Bro
Chase Dahla Billz, okay okay, hey, yo, let's go
Straight from the state with the outline of a chipped cracker
Ironically, babe, we're about 90% cracker!
Yeah I'm a white guy, they're too, reply "Hi" (Hello!)
I like pie, green Jell-O likewise
"Do you think that you would ever
Pray at church or marry my type?"
Now you understand that I am that stereotype (a'ight)
Keepin' the Lord's commands upright Anti-Nephi-Lehi-like
We're a mighty nice and well-mannered tribe
But you know that I'll arrive MST: Mormon Standard Time
(Yeah, where?)
You can find us at the Utah pools
And at your grandma's funeral potatoes, or on Mutual
The dating app most spiritual and beautiful
Far better than our Musical
Eventually you will find us really quite unusual
Shunnin' your coffee, black tea, cigs and wine with a brutal refusal
Um, like, eww-uh!
The Word of Wizzum, kids, is
What with which I am still livin' in this "so chase" and "splendid" existence
CTR, give me a witness!
I'm hungry as heck when I'm fastin'
Nevertheless, havin' this impeccable-lookin' visage
We welcome y'all to Utah
Where we're dedicated to God
You may find us quite peculiar
But we're sending our love to ya
My supplications Heavenly
I thank thee, and pray humbly
With every fiber of my being
For moisture and safety to my house across the street.
Bless the casserole and cake to sustain our bodily needs
And the new girl in the ward will ask for my digits please.
(Can I hear an Amen?)
Hey, raise your hands
Yeah, make it manifest
For General Conference (TabCATS!)
From St. Geezy to Ogden
Y'all already know that modest is hottest!
The Highest we acquiesce
We're well dressed, gotta impress
We're the best this side the West
Here's to them Utah mountains!
Or was i' mou'in? Wha' is wri'en?
Flip, this U'ah accent's trippin'
This Sundee down south in Hurricane
Quell Crick's rilly got me fillin' thinks
Nope no sluffin' (Church)
Don't biff it (Hurts)
Powdered melk from food storages (Slurp)
Sweet sip drives out the bitter devilish
Now I be Chasin' them spirits, do you get it?
Toast up with it and try our great mixed drinks
Sodalicious, Fizz, or, Swig?
Yeah, c'mon and take your pick
Don't try to taste test that wicked whiskey
Toss that tendency till eternity
Ain't no need to be losin' any bit of wit
With this clean Mormon method of ge-ge-gettin' lit
That Hennessy is heresy, and gin is sin
Just hand to me that herbal tea and steamed jasmine
So I can get for me them millions and billions and trillions
Quadrillions, gazillions or maybe more planets
Denizens payin' their Dominus up tithing 'cause they're given this prophet, kid
Ain't Machiavellian, my pure pavilion is to teach the masses
With the eternal companion, wife, I'll inhabit it
Oh, "wifies"? Poly? I'll take a crack at it!
Wait, what? The religion's banished it?
Dagnab it! Back at it!
Up up till the endless of Zion's, Angel's top
To Empyrean if I could hie to Kolob! (Woo!)
We welcome y'all to Utah
Where we're dedicated to God
You may find us quite peculiar
But we're sending our love to ya
We welcome y'all to Utah
Land of my fathers where I grew up to love
A people you may find peculiar
But we're sending our love to ya
(Okay, gather 'round)
Once upon a time in Happy Valley
Keightlyn, Kayleigh, Saydee all liked Cheighcee
But it came to pass he learned those fake tans' name spellings
So he ran away in frightened haste, "These ladies crazy!"
Shops closed on Sunday
Whole state Chick-fil-A
Why you be clean shaved?
Seemin' like wee comely babes (Hey!)
RMs tryna NCMO then take them to the temple
'Cause nothing is impossible when you got the Gospel
Oh no, oh no, think my horns just shown
No no, bro no, hittin' powder means snow
Nose goes, Pharaoh hose, washed clean in Mo-mo flow
Provo, All-star bros all still soaked to the bone
No mojo; clothes: out of the in, G, know 'em
Whoa so original! Guys, they're sayin' we're a cult!
¡Estamos locos, vámonos a Beto's!
Let's go, let's go, gonna do it for the Lord!
Sorry, where were we? I want some Waffle Love
Stockton, Malone, and Donovan Mitchell
Nothin' superficial, just like my lyrical miracles
Ninety-nine essential oils, but um, Bishop, I've none
Cryin' eyes, upset, embroiled, when I'm catchin' you cuss
Brethren, you could sound eternally more eloquent with
"Shucks", "darn", "dang", "flip" and "fetchin'"!
Ain't gettin' sent to frickin' heck when
Fry sauce is sendin' me to heaven
But I'm promisin' repentance
Prime rhymes for Divine when forging these hymns
A swift six-child or women marriage,
Rated-G footage binge, skivvies, or beverage
The Eternal Life of state flower: "cone-struction"
And never ever ever ever no gosh darn swearin'
(In front of the parents)
Haha! Oh, shhhhhhhh....
(Shiz the Jaredite)
(Shiitake mushrooms)
(Shield of faith)
Speakin' of language, ya know them missionaries?
And have they visited in your vicinity lately?
Wearing a name badge and grin big as chimpanzees
Callin' you brother, sister, pedaling bikes and praying?
The "Best 2 Years" are young, rapping doors, tracting
Come preach the Good Word for God's big family gathering
Yeah we put in the work of baptism this is spanning
Every land and tongue, so let's do it in Japanese!
こんにちゃ〜！
ご存知ですか、キリスト教会？
えっとあのちょっとな
手が放せない
チラシだけでええやん？（はい）
日本人やからな（はい）
我々はな（はい、はい）
先祖ずっと仏教入ってんな
「興味がない！」
「興味深い。。。聖書をお願い！」
「神様なんていらっしゃらないぞ！」
「そのような存在を信じたいよ！」
「宗教ってあやしいぞ！」
「信仰で祈りを叶えよう！」
「結構！」「どうぞ！」「帰れよ！」
「バプテスマを受けたいよ！」
伝道はそんなもん
宣教師の凄い生活
モルモン書を読もう！
神に救われたくねえか？
日本語話しとる
が外人っぽい訛りめっちゃある
人を訪問しきっちゃう
けど毎度ありがた迷惑
ってか、今
Let us switch up
The rhythm 'cause my skill is Mormonism conversion
Unorthodox lyricism
Proselytism via spittin' this 6-minute song
7-minute song? For my Sacrament talk
Oh is that too long? Heh, nah!
Exorcism hit your demons with confusion
This hip hop theism has gotta have its own pièce de résistance
For my heritage I'm carried in
To capture the rapture
"Mormon Rapsody", you better bless faster!
Gotta be capable of keepin' up with the same pace, lookin' Child of God
'Cause, guess what?
I'm beginning to feel like a rap god, clouds trod
Deified me be shootin' lightning with amp style, shock y'all
Stunning with love, we welcome y'all up to Utah (Dahla, Dahla Billz y'all)
I'mma use the Gift of Tongues infused with the tune
And a lotta bit of na-na-napalm
破魔なんだ！ 黙れ、魔！
Y'all behold the holiest!
I gotta show the godly flow to save ya soul: a "deus ex"
An Eagle scout above the clouds
A new Μιχαήλ: I'm angel-esque.
O'er Deseret, pneumatic Trek
Without a step I run the land!
So give an apology for your atrocities
Know the psychology of theology
More than a mythology, or a pathology
When the creation of His Grace, then
By the ideology of soteriology, the Plan of Salvation
And revelation, be embodying the Golden philosophy
And swallowing the prophecies of Christology because
(Let me tell you)
Jesus is the reason for the season when it's freezin'
Hark 'em, heed Him, bells are ringin', heralds singin' in Judaea
So believe it when I'm preachin' Peter Priesthood gotcha feelin'
Like it's Christmas even when it's gettin' Churchy-chill in Chile
(Wait, really?)
I buy my ice on 9th
Like Johnny Lingo, I find my 8-cow wife
I'm dope as the Pope or Nelson on the slopes
I got my eyes on the Son-rise out the tombstone
Light reach through the loophole
Fire free, I shoot true though
Army keep in fold
For when the Lamb calls His hosts
With Battalion Hymnals
Glory, glory (Glory, glory)
Glory, glory (Glory, glory)
Glory, Hallelujah! His truth marching forward
Glory, glory, Holy War vanquish the evil
U, you talk; we don't fumble our Word
Be why you got to gain mercy, Hail Mary, change earth
Come skrrt on to church
2 hour

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