Pain Cycle

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Cam Finley

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Bad things happen, and I'm feeling like it's my fault
Can you hear me now, I been praying loud lord
All the people in my life I don't got time for
I been pushing away, I'm not ok, I'm stressing more
Days go by, and I feel the same feeling
Feeling like I'm losing, even when I'm winning
Do the same thing, now I'm back repenting
I told you I'ma get my life together, and I meant it
You feeling what I'm saying, nigga I'm a pain poet
Felt this way for years, and you ain't even know it
Looking at my smile, you would think I'm feeling golden
Trust me I'm going through it, but I will never show it
If I could hit the reset, that shit would be amazing
But this is real life, so everyday I'm blazing
I hide the way I feel, how'd I get so good at faking
If I told you my whole story, you wouldn't know how to take it
Tell me what is love to a nigga like me
Tell me what is love to a nigga like me
The devil keep attacking, man I can't even sleep
How many more memories can I keep
In my head all day, they keep chasing me
They tell me what I am, and what I can't be
Holding me down, sometimes I can't breath
I been asking God to take this pain away from me
Somehow the burden always lies with me
Looking in the mirror, thinking what is wrong with me
You told me that you love me, and that you would never leave
You swore that you loved me, so why would you leave
And you say something's wrong with me
I wish I had someone that would hold me closely
Tell me it's ok, its gonna turn around for me

(Yeah)
And you still say something's wrong with me
I'm tired

Don't wanna talk about it, I get that from my father
I'd rather run away from it, get that from my mother
As a youngin I was beefing with my brother
I thought family supposed to love you like no other
Everyday I swear it's always niggas hating
Let a young nigga shine, them niggas mad cause they ain't make it
You prove a nigga wrong, and he gon' change the conversation
It hurt me to my heart, when I seen my nigga changing
Broke PTSD, If I want it, then I get it
If I ain't have it, I was stealing it
I got them bands, but I feel the same feeling
I guess the money doesn't help you when you healing
I been running circles, cause I always find my way back
Glass half empty, focusing on what I lack
I can't get out my head, It's like my mind is a trap
Stuck in a maze, without hope, or a map
But still, I keep going
I'm high, and I'm rolling
I'm stuck, and I'm pouring
To boost my emotions
One, now I'm coasting
Two, now I'm floating
Three, now I'm soaring
Hope I make it home quick
Came down, I got home sick
Now I need some more shit
Pain in me growing
Awake, just a little bit
My mind is a riot
My life on autopilot
It's dark while I'm writing
I wish that I was lying
I wanna fly away from the problems, but I face it
When I heard the news, I didn't know how to take it
When did it change, like my brain got a facelift
Thinking that my timing on this earth was surely wasted
We slowly grew apart, I think about it, and I hate it
I was going through it, and I wish that you had waited
Cause now I'm all alone, and I've been dreaming 'bout you lately
Running out of time, and I don't think that I will make it

(Yeah)
(Yeah)
(Yeah)
And you still say something's wrong with me
I'm tired
Scared to make a move, cause I was drowning in anxiety
Contemplating life or death, and I ain't have nobody

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