Liberal Arts College Scandal

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John Kerns

John Emery Kerns (June 17, 1923 – June 7, 1988) was a Canadian football player who played for the Toronto Argonauts. He won the Grey Cup with them in 1950. He played college football at Ohio University and also played with the Buffalo Bills of the All-America Football Conference. He died in 1988 on his 65th birthday while playing tennis, of a heart attack. more »

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I had a dream last weekend
I was a Mafia assassin
Sent out to kill your new boyfriend
In liberal arts college scandal

He had a letter from you
Kept with his bag of explosives
I'm sure you said, "Think of me nightly,"
And had no idea he worked for a "family"

A push down the stairs was convenient
It couldn't be this easy, could it
He lay on his back panting, desperate
The silencer fixed on his sweating white forehead

A moment of hesitation
What would you do when you found out
You'd be so broken and empty
A past lover left you, another was found dead

Would I take this long to consider
The hurt and the pain that I'd caused you
While holding a pistol in his face
And give a year's pay to let this one mark live

You'd live in bliss or in mourning
Would he hunt me down in the morning?
I'd break the code of a killer
To kill or be killed, because you know that the mob always finds you

A filter of wind swept beside us
And carried your letter in pieces
That I tore up instantly when
I found his supplies in the janitor closet

An anguished cry he resounded
And clutched in his fist just a corner
Of pink and blue paper with ink
And a heart to dot the "I" in "I love you"

A convincing blow to the forehead
The butt of my pistol retorted
Picked up his bag and I headed
To the airport to get on a plane to Italia

If I'll face the music I've fashioned
I'll be in Tuscany's sunshine
I'll grow some tomatoes and olives
And wait for the college to investigate me

To dig up my chopped-up body
Or dredge me up from Lake Como
And chip off my concrete loafers
In the newspapers you'd read the scandalous details

And maybe not ever know actuality
Or see how much I cared for you
But you're a smart girl and observant
I'm sure you could guess
But the mark may have killed you too

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