The Darkness

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Isaacs

3:32

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It's 5 am I'm just sitting here writing
I got things to vent, all my life, I've tried to hide it
I've swallowed my pride, bottled it all inside
And it's time that I'm done saying I'm fine
I despise myself
And I tend to push away then cry for help
I don't know why I have to go through hell
I just sit ponder my mistakes and I dwell
By myself
Stomach aches and migraines both affect me at high rates
I know that I'm breaking down it just makes me irate
Every time that I raise out of my bed my legs barely work
It's impossible, I'm losing a tied race
I can't break it, I can't hack it, can't shake it
I'm always defeated, shattered pieces can't take it
Wish I could rewind my life, thoughts racing
But I'm torn because I know how far I've gotten is amazing
You'll say that you understand, you'll say that you get it
But you don't understand it, you're just trying to be empathetic
It's so pathetic how everything I do ends up with regretting
I don't need sympathetics, it got this far cause I let it
Guess I'm destined for failing, I'm hanging on to the railing
And honestly, I've stopped caring, my only thoughts have been bailing
See the waters I'm sailing, are definitely more daring
Than anyone's and it's scary
Don't even think of comparing
My vision to yours, cause they differ in severity
There's things in my life that I hope for but don't ever see
You'll never be safe in my mind so tread carefully
One wrong step leads to death so keep up your dexterity
The platforms will shift and change at random
You'll see all my memories of being left abandoned
It's hard to see the beauty in the land but
Even the worst wood can be beautiful when it gets sanded
It isn't like I planned this
I don't wanna fall down, give up, or go all out
I just wanna live my life in peace without the small doubts
Of my purpose tears run down my cheeks while I call out
For someone to "HELP ME PLEASE"
but my voice is lost sound
I scream, fight, and cry
I say that I want to die
Sad thing is, I'm telling the truth
I really don't like to lie
Say goodbye, the time is over when I close my eyes
And all the memories you have of me take to the skies
Not like you'll remember me anyway
I don't you know what it's like to be so afraid
That everything will change, that people will go away
The thoughts boiling in my brain would drive you insane
So how long til you leave me?
Why does it have to be me?
Why can I not figure out or control all these feelings?
Why does it bare its teeth?
Why do I struggle to breathe?
Why can I not sleep?
The future just seems so bleak
Pencil goes to page, emotions become rage
Depression spreads like a cancer in the fourth stage
Words, spoken tongue turn into songs to be sung
Dreams turn to nightmares of watching loved ones get hung
Can't take it anymore, I can hear the demons roar
I'll close it and lock the door
Then fall straight down to the floor
My life is a chore, I'm living don't know what for
There's people that depend on me and I just can't ignore them
I can't, because I need to uphold them
And tell them that no matter what they see their beauty is golden
I can see what they don't see and all their mentals are glowing
In the meantime I'm going mental
I am not growing
Having strength must be nice
I can't see through the ice around my heart
And deep down I know no effort will suffice
How can I stop it if I don't know where my heart is?
Blinded by my vision cause all I see is the darkness

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