what depression feels like

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Ethan Jewell

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This bed that was once for sleep has become a prison
This feeling whispers to me, so of course, I listen to it
Because I don't know myself anymore
I don't want to open that door
I know they're waiting, they're knocking, they're there to listen
But what if they aren't
What if instead I'm greeted by the prodding of hot irons
Wide smiles hiding guilty liars
So I lay back down and spend hours scrolling on my phone
Wondering if I'll ever be able to fully live alone
And my coffee doesn't taste right, take some pills to help my brain
Have a 7 hour self hate sesh, go to the arcade
I don't want to go to therapy, I swear I'm feeling fine
But I'll listen to my friends rant, that's how I spend most of my time
Mental headspace gone, I still fill it up with words
Pinch myself to stay awake, and like it when it hurts
I can't move (move, move, move)
I can't feel (feel, feel, feel)
I can't prove (prove, prove)
What is real (what is real, what is real, what is real)
I feel like a magnet of despair that's been pulled down too strong
I feel like I've got a million tons of weight from my mistakes on my shoulders
I feel like I've been crushed by rocks, not pebbles, but boulders
It's almost like I'm falling in reverse, but reverse is worse
Because I'm losing my progress
I don't want to bother them again
They helped me the first time, when I was a lesser friend
So I can do this on my own, right
Wrong (wrong, wrong, wrong)
I'm empty (empty, empty, empty)
I'm selfish (selfish)
I'm lost
I'm breaking
I'm sinking (sinking)
Lower (lower)
Until one day
It all just stops

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