Petals

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Makani Nalu

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I've died so many times
Yes, I'm twenty-eight
And everything should be just lovely
But sometimes, it's the lovely
That tears us apart
You think you want to be me
But you don't
I was on t.v.
And I look beautiful
In the photos you might see
But behind closed doors
When no one's watching
I look at myself
And try to tear me apart
I succeed
I break myself
Again, and again
Until I'm far from that girl you've seen
The one floating by on a skateboard
Riding her bike with no hands
Mysterious, and hard to catch
But there's so much I'm hiding
Because when I catch myself
My hands sink in
Like claws to my own skin
Odd, that I could never stand
Shots or doctor's offices
Yet I break into my own body
Like a scientist would
'I wonder if I take this beauty all away
What lies under there'
Blood drips down my face
I look in shock at my own little cells
All in formation, so exposed
I ate an artichoke yesterday
Once I tore off all the petals
The cells that lay exposed looked like mine
I stared at them disgusted and in awe
The same way I look at myself
After the damage is done
And all my petals are gone
How long does it take
To regrow petals
How can I get them all back again
I wish I hadn't just done that
I wish I didn't just do it again
How does a fallen raindrop fly back towards the sky
You might think it doesn't, but it does
You just can't see it
How do fallen petals get back to their flower
They don't
But they will grow again

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