Merry Fuckin' Christmas

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Rex Ross

4:09

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Christmas morning they're mourning
Cuz they ain't gotten no gifts
Santa's sittin' on the chimney
Dead from slittin' his wrists
He's bleeding milk and cookies
Now how fucked up is this?
On the roof Rudolph's pissin'
And Prancer's takin' a shit
And Dancer's lookin' for answers
But it ain't making no sense
Comet tries to fly off it
But he just lands on a fence
With the chain-link stuck through 'em
No ambulance comin' to 'em
Vixen says let's get to 'em
But Blitzen says nah man screw 'em
Instead of slayin' that dragon
They just start draggin' the sleigh
Mrs. Clause sayin' naggin'
That they took Santa away
So they trampled her ass
That was the end of her day
But then the elves grouped in mass
And they've got something to say
You reindeer are what you eat
And you eat pieces of shit
You elves are only two feet
And you have really small dicks
The whole North Pole is in chaos
And everybody is way off
But before they start fightin' they
Remember the day and say
Merry Fuckin' Christmas
I hate these gifts you got for me
Merry Fuckin' Christmas
Lot's of toys, but not for me
Merry Fuckin' Christmas
Break the star burn the tree
Merry Fuckin' Christmas
F*ck you all for fuckin' me
So all the tough ones are yellin'
All the weak ones are bailin'
All the rest just start nailing
And wailing
Sending them sailing
Across the room with a boom
Until they land on their melon
In Frosty zooms with his broom
Where he came from there's no tellin'
He just starts knockin' 'em off
Now Rudolph's blockin' him off
Frosty grabs him by the nose
To expose what nobody knows
Rudolph's nose isn't real
Got it at Lows for a deal
All the reindeer surround him
And now they're wantin' to pound him
Rudolph's fear finally found him
He pissed so much could've drowned him
Frosty has nowhere to go
Cuz he's got piss all around him
So he just melts in the snow
Magic could no longer bound him
And Rudolph's nose doesn't glow
And so they proceed to hound him
Rudolph's head gets cracked open
Because the reindeer just smoke 'em
There's only 2 elves left going
And only 3 reindeer crowing murder
They're all so tired of fightin'
Almost the end of the night n'
They all just grab hands and they Remember the day and say
Merry Fuckin' Christmas
I hate these wounds you've stuck in me
Merry Fuckin' Christmas
I'm bleeding very profusely
Merry Fuckin' Christmas
My eyes are swollen shut can't see
Merry Fuckin' Christmas
I'll get you back next year you'll see
Next day Santa's funeral
They all go to it as a whole
They all try to hold self-control but
F*ck it they lose control
They were all Santa's slave
And so they piss on his grave
And start to engrave what they felt was their right to say
You treated us all like shit
And you always ate all the cookies
You're appreciation just bit
And were all better than rookies
Everyone thinks you died
From some kind of suicide
But the truth is we lied
Found your milk and slipped drugs inside
As you swayed side to side
Got you in the sleigh for a ride
Rudolph held your hands high
As Cupid let the knife slide
As you sat on the chimney
I had to hold laughter in me
You started bleeding so gently
I was holding my kidney
Mrs. Clause was bitchin'
So we killed her Love Blitzen
And the cops see this message
But by then it's too late
The Reindeer had already flown away
And the distance too great
So they all just start holding hands around Santa's grave singing
Merry Fuckin' Christmas
Just another murder mystery
Merry Fuckin' Christmas
Full of violence tears and fuckery
Merry Fuckin' Christmas
I feel bad for Mr. and Mrs. C
Merry Fuckin' Christmas
I hope the reindeer don't hate me
Merry Fuckin' Christmas

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