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Nicholas Tana

Nicholas Tana is a writer director, actor, and musician best known for the Hell's Kitty movie and web-series. more »

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Susie had a big problem that Johnny didn't know
She was horny and she wanted him inside her making love
But Johnny rarely wanted it, and to her that was a crime
One day Susie told Johnny, you spend far too much time

Beating your meat
And tuggin' your chain
Boppin' your bologna
Walking the snake
Cleaning the pipe
Diddling your dong
Choking the sheriff
So the posse will come
Polishing your rocket
Pounding your pud
Spanking the monkey
Oiling the glove
Squeezing your lemon
Buttering your biscuit
Turning the antenna
Mangling the midget

But Johnny had a big problem that Susie didn't get
He was just as horny as any guy, and liked his women yet
But Susie always nagged him, and loved to pick a fight
So Johnny told her, Susie, maybe it's best you spend your nights

Greasing your hips
Or fanning your fur
Polishing the peanut
Playing poker
Tickling the kitty
Checking for squirrels
Buffing the weasel
Polishing the pearl
Flipping the bean
Or pushing the button
Hitchhiking to heaven
Goin' spelunkin'
Strummin' the banjo
Testing the plumbing
Stroking two lips
Or buffin' the muffin

When Susie heard Johnny complain it started a big fight
They planned to leave each other and just masturbate that night
But it turned her on to watch him hard, and he liked her getting wetter
So now they agreed when they make love to masturbate together

Pulling the piss pump
Cuffing the puppy
Airing the orchid
Brushing her bunny
Pealing the carrot
Rubbing his nob
Groping the grotto
Feeding her slot
Pulling the wire
Snapping the whip
Taunting the turtle
Toggling the bit
Fondling the fig
In hand to gland combat
Parting the red sea
Wrestling her wombat

This song won't make you go blind
Or grow hair on your palms
But it might make you mad
So if it does, take matters into your own hands
Maybe, even start strumming along, making your own song
Maybe, if you don't want to play with me
Try playing with yourself

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