Self to Note (feat. Kyleen-Elyse)

Lately I've been treating you like a job and less like a diary Some how I've gotten lost in attempts at finding me Anxiety anxiety anxiety anxiety Moments of clarity then it's back to anxiety Looking back cuz they trying me, they want me to fail The cops want me in prison these haters want me in hell I've been reading bout the laws and how to profit from sales How to play the game so perfectly and not be derailed But see a thinker like me becomes a prisoner fast Overthinking the little while overlooking the mass Watching out for the hooks but never peeping the jabs Studying patience but then apply it too fast I'm in a state of reflection in a state of confusion Cuz when the image is reflected I can see who the truth is But when I'm turning my neck see now the vision is useless Because it isn't working when I try to grip it and use it Yea I know it's confusing, pardon the scatter My brain's cluttered with chatter with pieces cut up and shattered I keep confronting the challenge while throwing curves at the batter If life is a piece of cake then I'm stuck in the batter My mom got a disease, my grandfather as well Don't know how to approach it, it's like who should I tell? Should I break down and cry, pray to God for a spell Or a potion of magic to rid their bodies of hell? I wanna cry like a kid maybe get some attention Some empathy for my stress and sympathy for the tension But this ain't high school and I've forgotten to mention That even if I wanted to I couldn't even project it I'm too numb, something in me is off The business mind I got is lurking in and it's opening doors But closing all the others the ones I've opened before And kept them open with a notion, I was hoping for more But slowly they're closing, the wells starting to dry Gaining weight as they close and getting harder to pry Self medicate and let some liquid courage inside And now the door's a feather for a brief moment in time I'm sorry for all the time I put between us for real I figured I would shelter you until I got me a deal They ain't ready for your truth, for what you'll reveal By showing them you, we'll show them how to feel Damn, but there's a timing for everything I'm feeling boxed in, I can't do or say anything A one trick pony's what I gotta pretend to be Just to garner some fans but really gather my enemies I know you understand, you're always there in my times Of depressive mental illness that I cure with the rhyme Thanks for listening again, feels good for the mind To put my thoughts in my notes, talk to you and unwind. Al Why do I keep forgetting about you? When you're the only one who really knows the truth Only thing I know helps me get through I'll never stray again I give my word to you I know it's hard sometimes Relax, let go of your mind Sit back and take some time Do you, for you, push through You've got to make the move No one's gonna do it for you I know it's hard sometimes Relax, let go of your mind