Confessions

I was born about two weeks late, in reflection of natural state Procrastination's the name of the game I was playing 'fore eventually snapping awake Back in the day, I was A-OK with some shit that's making me grimace as I think about it Now But I think I better think about it How did I end up with a head full of memories of massive mistakes The town I was raised in was named for the natives that came before Maybe as a baby, no blame can be placed But it's way too late I started contemplating where'd they go And how'd it end up that a face with a feather would be gracing so many of the State's Athletic endeavors The things that escaped my attention raise questions Like, maybe I was never that clever But I kept getting praise for the letters and the numbers Impressing 'em by counting to a hundred I was special Never doubted it was something innate in my brain that would make me not make Mistakes My straight A's reflected how I'm up above 'em Not the fact I never had a growl in my stomach Never ran afoul of the powerful assumptions of so-called instructors telling how I'll never Amount to nothing I was so proud of stuff that one could think was just luck Or one could think at least some of it's a system fucked up And what's troublesome is, in the midst of privilege, it was difficult to see The system worked perfectly for me I was impertinent Undeservedly assured In deep breach of purpose An incomplete person History burdened with certain chance circumstance of birth Facts averted in the fit-to-teach version So I listened these slurs heard in class Maybe cast the same aspersions for a laugh But it's not, like, THAT racist Surely, 'cause we lack hatred Classmates assure me that a splash of black face paint is purely out of admiration for Eddie Murphy It's said in earnest As if the shit wouldn't make us plenty worthy of a stern lecture Guess we never learn 'less we're turned a more nurturing direction, but it never Occurred Me and my friends would refer to each other as "n-word" so often in certain contexts, it Was almost default No thought of not belonging Just a lot of dope songs that I so wanted to imitate and quote when I talk Started obsessing with the flow, it was awesome Always looking for something I could go rap along with Managed to absorb a little knowledge But I also joined a whole lot of co-opters making a whole joke out of culture What I authored followed shock-rap doctrine Lotta cock-ass nonsense that I probably should've known was a problem In a weird way I needed it, or Dro wouldn't've blossomed I was flossing, thought no one could stop me Thought no one'd be bothered by the open misogyny If you'd asked I'd say I'm joking, it's obvious Didn't fathom just how broken that part of our society was I was dumb Now I know, I'm so sorry I know I can hardly scratch the surface in a verse But still I think it's worth it for the search If we can see the person that we were Then we can see what's teaching us to learn Pieces earned at each rebirth's turn To be sure is deeper than belief in the preferred Feeling hurt and shame is aimed to deter With these words, I besmirch myself Mindful that I used to be worse Improving earth by improving me first I was born about two weeks late I ain't staying that way to the grave Won't go back to lack of awareness and caring I know that was making my nature degrade Back in the day, it was growth at acceptable pace It keeps going at accelerating rates As long as I stay open with my traits And show myself what's really taking place I have hope I'll help pave roads to change