Confessions

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Quadro the Magnificent

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I was born about two weeks late, in reflection of natural state
Procrastination's the name of the game I was playing 'fore eventually snapping awake
Back in the day, I was A-OK with some shit that's making me grimace as I think about it Now
But I think I better think about it
How did I end up with a head full of memories of massive mistakes

The town I was raised in was named for the natives that came before
Maybe as a baby, no blame can be placed
But it's way too late I started contemplating where'd they go
And how'd it end up that a face with a feather would be gracing so many of the State's Athletic endeavors
The things that escaped my attention raise questions
Like, maybe I was never that clever

But I kept getting praise for the letters and the numbers
Impressing 'em by counting to a hundred
I was special
Never doubted it was something innate in my brain that would make me not make Mistakes
My straight A's reflected how I'm up above 'em
Not the fact I never had a growl in my stomach
Never ran afoul of the powerful assumptions of so-called instructors telling how I'll never Amount to nothing

I was so proud of stuff that one could think was just luck
Or one could think at least some of it's a system fucked up
And what's troublesome is, in the midst of privilege, it was difficult to see
The system worked perfectly for me
I was impertinent
Undeservedly assured
In deep breach of purpose
An incomplete person
History burdened with certain chance circumstance of birth
Facts averted in the fit-to-teach version

So I listened these slurs heard in class
Maybe cast the same aspersions for a laugh
But it's not, like, THAT racist
Surely, 'cause we lack hatred
Classmates assure me that a splash of black face paint is purely out of admiration for Eddie Murphy
It's said in earnest
As if the shit wouldn't make us plenty worthy of a stern lecture
Guess we never learn 'less we're turned a more nurturing direction, but it never Occurred

Me and my friends would refer to each other as "n-word" so often in certain contexts, it Was almost default
No thought of not belonging
Just a lot of dope songs that I so wanted to imitate and quote when I talk
Started obsessing with the flow, it was awesome
Always looking for something I could go rap along with
Managed to absorb a little knowledge
But I also joined a whole lot of co-opters making a whole joke out of culture

What I authored followed shock-rap doctrine
Lotta cock-ass nonsense that I probably should've known was a problem
In a weird way I needed it, or Dro wouldn't've blossomed
I was flossing, thought no one could stop me
Thought no one'd be bothered by the open misogyny
If you'd asked I'd say I'm joking, it's obvious
Didn't fathom just how broken that part of our society was
I was dumb
Now I know, I'm so sorry

I know I can hardly scratch the surface in a verse
But still I think it's worth it for the search
If we can see the person that we were
Then we can see what's teaching us to learn
Pieces earned at each rebirth's turn
To be sure is deeper than belief in the preferred
Feeling hurt and shame is aimed to deter
With these words, I besmirch myself
Mindful that I used to be worse
Improving earth by improving me first

I was born about two weeks late
I ain't staying that way to the grave
Won't go back to lack of awareness and caring
I know that was making my nature degrade
Back in the day, it was growth at acceptable pace
It keeps going at accelerating rates
As long as I stay open with my traits
And show myself what's really taking place
I have hope I'll help pave roads to change

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