Day 10: Time is Up (Tomorrow)

Well, here I am It's 1 a.m. It's the last day Only one more to go I've made it this far Less than 24 hours to go I don't know what I expected to feel Maybe I'll feel it tomorrow Ah, tomorrow Tomorrow, I can ride my bike Tomorrow, I can go to Starbucks Tomorrow, I can remember what being around people is like On second thought, that last one can wait Tomorrow, I can breathe air miles from my home Tomorrow, I can simply run away Tomorrow, I can drive my car Oh, wait, it's gonna need a lot of gas And that's gonna suck to pay for Tomorrow, finally, all my dreams will come true Tomorrow, I can get away from my family Tomorrow, I can go get lunch But I have to pay for gas already and I haven't gotten paid I'm not sure what I can actually do tomorrow in all honesty Today I'm getting ready to get ready to leave I've changed my outfit far too few times this week But I was stuck inside my room doing nothing So, what was the point in dressing up The end seems to be coming, and on the tail end I can finally feel a sense of freedom My grounding is over, I'm not locked up I'm paid without work and I got my school done Are you kidding me Is it over already This time took advantage of me And everything was not just fine I'm trying hard to not be surly But all these issues are mighty burly I didn't watch 1 of 900 movies But I definitely didn't make the most of my time This made me completely lose all my motivation I put everything off as much as I could I'm feeling good today But i'm not feeling the same Truthfully, none of the days were good at all They're individual expanses I wish never happened at all I pray my mental state quickly goes back to a better place I mean that, it's not sarcastic But I understand if you think that because I always seem fine This really took a toll on me, that's a true and honest statement I fixed my head for the first time since this started I'm not in pain, but this week brought up stuff I thought was gone I think I need your help to be fully myself 'Cause I'm not sure what all is going on in that northern hemisphere My walk with God is slowly getting better I think But every time I'm feeling down, I crawl into bed I lay and scroll through everyone's face I wish I had And vacations that I wish I could afford Everyone can publish music Everyone can film a movie Everyone can do what I do and do it better So, why should I even try All the world's a stage, but nobody pays attention I'm special and unique according to only mom But she birthed me, so maybe she doesn't want Her offspring to not be special Maybe she's just trying to convince herself I write in my notebook Stories and ideas and random thoughts But who even cares, I don't even read them myself How can I expect anyone to be interested in me when I'm not I don't care about my looks Except when it's funny to put them down You laugh because you think I'm joking But what's really in that mirror worth complimenting The jawline jokes were even cringey to me I was tempted to remove them but I wanted to stay true To the original album plan of writing a song per day But I hate complimenting myself because it feels like a lie I wanna say something that matters I wanna say what I want But I hate speaking up when everyone is shouting One at a time, I can't understand all the yelling I need somebody to talk to How can I be heard when everyone is tryna be I swear sometimes it seems I'll never get my turn Maybe I won't, who truly knows You're sorry? Then tell me why All you seem to do is talk You tell everyone what's wrong And all that's going on You talk behind each other's backs About thinks you don't even know Nothing's more important to you Than what you have to say The futile gossip that you spew is Causing people to decay Your opinions are worthless When they stand against the facts Stop presenting how you felt As if that's how we should react Everyone's completely different And so is how we process This information overload is Nasty mental excess Drop the façade, let your persona go It's private, the whole world doesn't need to know Knowing people's business isn't a superpower You're so proud of it when you tout it But, when confronted, you cower Oh, take care of yourself And let others do the same I miss my friends When will this separation end Even when we're in the same room I often feel far from you I've known you a handful of months And I feel we've grown so close I lived my whole life without you And I don't wanna be apart anymore I'm so done not doing well You probably can't even tell Unfortunately, I hide it well It's ridiculously selfish, I can tell Writing stupid music will not fix what I go through My therapy can no more be just jotting silly tunes I wanna make a change because it's far past time to do I think I'm over me and ready to change my pursuit I'm praying but I'm honestly doing all I can I'm fed up with this crap I need to start over again Well, here I am It's 12 a.m. I made it to the end Of the end of the end The time is up for this But time's not up for me More than 80 years to go Who knows what I'll do Tomorrow, I can breathe again Tomorrow, I can change the world Tomorrow, I can see the ones I love But, tonight, I think I'll sleep