Signs

I don't wanna make it sound like it's worse than it is But it's been a minute since I wrote some personal shit I've been searching again trying to find myself Had to learn to pretend every time I dwell On the shit from the past that they slammed me with Took twenty one years to learn somethings can't be fixed I handled it the best I could I can't lie I'm a man of sin The rest I pushed aside, It was damaging These old memories I'm overly attached with Imagine, If I could've had everything That I have right now back then, classic Examples of where I've been and where I'm going Time is a bitch It's almost like resurrection how I'm dying to live My mindset is something I'm always trying to fix I'm a workaholic with music I'm tired within It's hard to tell if rapping's a passion, a habit, or an addiction I can't tell you how many times I've wanted to quit this But something keeps pulling me back to it, I miss when I had personality but i'm losing it to this shit It's worse than it seems I'm burdened with schemes Cursed with a dream Tryna stop at this point seems worthless indeed Blurriest needs The best is something I'm determined to be When they withdrew, I improved It's easy to get caught up in all the shit that I've been through All the drama that ensued, the misused Made amends with some of the people that I've dissed too It's old news, water under the bridge But I had no clue of the extent Everyone was trying to go to I was never vocal I'm still learning to be social For example I ran into my half brother that I've never spoke to We're related but he's someone I was never close to I froze as my emotions started to show through But I tried to play it off like most do Couldn't believe what I was seeing Thinking it was fate, meaning I was caught up in a daze Felt like I was day dreaming Never tried to speak to me Probably for the same reason Cause maybe he just didn't know what to say either But I know that he knew who I was though Everything that could've been said is unknown Maybe a hug or a punch thrown Either way I wanna let him know it's all love bro Nobody ever told me much I got mad cause it felt like they would box me in But he prolly still holds a grudge Cause our dad was there for me but not for him Damn Heavy thoughts constantly weighing down on me A mental battle wonder what outcome that'll be Planet earth is the island of misfits in the sea of the galaxy And man its hard enough just dealing with reality Almost feels like a fallacy every ounce of me Is used to giving people a hand so they can count on me Fuck your bragging rights How can they tell me to get lost when I don't know where I'm at in life The worse I get the better the verse I spit No alternatives, interpret this I pray to god questioning what my purpose is With no response in sight, no occurrences Maybe rap is something that he led me to A god given talent to make catchy tunes But it also puts me in a stressful mood I gotta learn to balance it, the neglectful truth