Poems Meditations Interludes

You're energy, ocean, forever's midnights You're the debt I'd gotten myself in, the dollars I never saw but knew I'd eventually Spend You're every color of paint, the grand interpretive dreams that frequented my walls You're the dates I never went on, the 'cause of a rational heartbeat You're the allure of perfection, a glass mosaic held in the teeth of a junkyard You're the promise wise men don't believe and that the God-fearing would never trust You're a Saturday on a Wednesday, a juxtaposition of chaos and moods You're who my parents always wished I'd never bring home You're the pleas negotiating life to death, God's number one patient rechecking in without realizing you ever left You're a passport to treachery in a cheery waiting line, and I want nothing to do with you Though I think of you all the time Last year, you were flower, purity kisses, artful and demanding I was fall, chalk moons, music and taciturn I just want to be alone Lost you long ago in this place I answered the night's call where I saved you a smoke just in case You rallied inside with the others I loved you for that touch on my shoulder It all gets better with time Wish I wasn't giving up on getting older To my grandfather, I admit, I don't think of you as often as I'd like to Perhaps I need more pictures of you within my house However, when you do stroll into my psyche and board a canoe atop the stream of thoughts I always find the time to think back fondly To think back to arm-wrestling matches and you treating me to ice cream That vanilla bean flavor that always had a hint of frostbite I do recall you catching my leg with your cane And how you'd alternate playing tug-of-war over it with me and the family dog I remember you calling out at Christmas, ordering who to get the next present Even though you always bought us kids the exact same thing Luckily it was something I was too young to notice My gifts pleasantly caught me by surprise You were a grandfather of kindness Sitting out back in your chair, you fed the squirrels on your lap You were a teacher of bad words as well as one who shined brilliance in front of a chessboard You were a man who read the paper with his earbuds turned off yet you never forgot to share the funnies You were the grandfather I'd see on Sundays, the one we'd visit after church The grandfather I visited in the hospital who could always give a charismatic smile Even as your body fought sternly that wretch known as Cancer Seeing you there, I was more than scared Fear glazed on love I was glad we'd visit, at least looking back I am Not just be'cause my brothers and I rascaled on wheelchairs those clean white halls But be'cause I'm glad to have seen and known you as much and little as I got to Whether it was the TV in your white room Or the big black box in your home You'd make me giggle as you rooted for the good guy Hit him again, he's Irish You'd say supported by smiles and a wink in my direction The things you'd say in scenes that made me blush The reassurance that life can be so beautiful So thank you, grandfather I wish I would have got to know you more However, I'm a hopeful one and believe together we've got more days in store Much love, your grandson The admirer of loving faces tacked to these walls I read some Cohen in the night But thought of Anne Carson and thought of life I waited for sleep and drank some tea Wondered when night will overtake me I'm still quite healthy, just lacking sleep But I see no sandman and I hear not a peep So here's to reading and here's to joy To a book of sad poems Which I'm happy for more