The Worst Pies in London [Movie Version]

A customer! Wait, what's your rush, what's your hurry? You gave me such a fright I thought you was a ghost Half a minute, can't you sit? Sit you down, sit All I meant is that I haven't seen a customer for weeks Did you come here for a pie, sir? Do forgive me if me head's a little vague What is that? Bet you'd think we had the plague From the way the people keep avoiding No, you don't Heaven knows I try, sir But there's no one even comes in, even to inhale Right you are, sir, would you like a drop of ale? Mind you, I can hardly blame them These are probably the worst pies in London I know why nobody cares to take them I should know, I make 'em But good? No, the worst pies in London, even that's polite The worst pies in London If you doubt it, take a bite Is that just disgusting? You have to concede it It's nothing but crusting Here drink this, you'll need it The worst pies in London And no wonder with the price of meat What it is, when you get it Never thought I'd live to see the day Men'd think it was a treat, finding poor animals What are dying in the street Mrs. Mooney has a pie shop Does her business but I noticed something weird Lately all her neighbors cats have disappeared Have to hand it to her, what I calls enterprise Poppin' pussies into pies Wouldn't do in my shop Just the thought of it's enough to make you sick And I'm tellin' you them pussy cats is quick No denying times is hard, sir Even harder than the worst pies in London Only lard and nothing more Is that just revolting? All greasy and gritty It looks like it's molting And tastes like Well, pity a woman alone With limited wind And the worst pies in London Ah, sir Times is hard Times is hard