The Worst Pies in London [Movie Version]

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Helena Bonham Carter

Helena Bonham Carter (born 26 May 1966) is an English actress. She is known for her roles in both low-budget independent art films and large-scale blockbusters. She was nominated for the Academy Award for Best Actress for her role as Kate Croy in The Wings of the Dove (1997). For her role as Queen Elizabeth in The King's Speech (2010), she was nominated for the Academy Award for Best Supporting Actress and won the BAFTA Award for Best Actress in a Supporting Role. She also won the 2010 International Emmy Award for Best Actress for her role as British author Enid Blyton in the TV film Enid (2009). Bonham Carter began her film career, playing the title character in Lady Jane (1986), and playing Lucy Honeychurch in A Room with a View (1985). Her other film roles… more »

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A customer!

Wait, what's your rush, what's your hurry?
You gave me such a fright
I thought you was a ghost
Half a minute, can't you sit? Sit you down, sit
All I meant is that I haven't seen a customer for weeks

Did you come here for a pie, sir?
Do forgive me if me head's a little vague
What is that?
Bet you'd think we had the plague
From the way the people keep avoiding
No, you don't
Heaven knows I try, sir
But there's no one even comes in, even to inhale
Right you are, sir, would you like a drop of ale?

Mind you, I can hardly blame them
These are probably the worst pies in London
I know why nobody cares to take them
I should know, I make 'em
But good?
No, the worst pies in London, even that's polite
The worst pies in London
If you doubt it, take a bite

Is that just disgusting?
You have to concede it
It's nothing but crusting
Here drink this, you'll need it
The worst pies in London
And no wonder with the price of meat

What it is, when you get it
Never thought I'd live to see the day
Men'd think it was a treat, finding poor animals
What are dying in the street

Mrs. Mooney has a pie shop
Does her business but I noticed something weird
Lately all her neighbors cats have disappeared
Have to hand it to her, what I calls enterprise
Poppin' pussies into pies
Wouldn't do in my shop
Just the thought of it's enough to make you sick
And I'm tellin' you them pussy cats is quick

No denying times is hard, sir
Even harder than the worst pies in London
Only lard and nothing more
Is that just revolting?
All greasy and gritty
It looks like it's molting
And tastes like
Well, pity a woman alone
With limited wind 
And the worst pies in London

Ah, sir
Times is hard
Times is hard

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